


OC-tober 2020 Shorts

by AraWrites



Series: Richard&Vincent [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Affection, Boyfriends, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Husbands, Kisses, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Modern Era, OCtober 2020, October
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 32,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26840806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraWrites/pseuds/AraWrites
Summary: Written for OCtober 2020.An assortment of short stories ranging from 500+ words and upwards for Richard and Vincent. The stories are generally SFW, with some mild mature themes.Theme is kisses and other affectionate gestures. The stories follow a rough timeline.It starts with them as boyfriends/husbands and ends with them as old men. A lot happens in between, but the context is not entirely needed to understand what's going on within the stories.Richard is my character, Vincent belongs toRecon.Here is their Refsheet profiles so you know how they look like and who they are:RichardVincentThanks for reading!
Relationships: Richard von Fresenburg/Vincent de Luca
Series: Richard&Vincent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911508
Kudos: 10





	1. First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Richard and Vincent discuss their first kisses.

_ “How wonderful life is...now you’re in the world.”  
_   
Vincent groaned before popping another piece of popcorn into his mouth.   
“Tell you this, Big Guy, I’ll pick the next movie.”   
Why did Richard always seem to fall for the kitschy, romantic movies? And they were singing on top! The good doctor was way too fond of getting his heartstrings plucked. 

_“You’re gonna be bad for business, I can tell.”_  
Vincent let out another groan and put his head back into his neck when the two main characters finally shared their overly dramatic kiss.  
“I’m sorry, Vincent”, Richard replied with barely concealed amusement in his voice.  
He gave Vincent’s thigh a soft pat, followed by an apologetic smile at him.  
  
“So, tell me…”, Vincent said while turning away from the screen with a scrunched up expression, “how was your first kiss?”  
“How did you come up with this just now?”  
“Dunno, probably seeing those two kiss all the time did it for me. So?”  
“First kiss overall, or my first time with either a woman or a man?”  
Vincent pretended to think about it for a moment before he said “Both”.  
“My first time with a girl was when I was 16.”  
“Huh, seems pretty late for someone like you?”  
“I mean, my parents didn’t really make it possible for me to be alone with people my age a lot. After school I had other things to do, and...well, you don’t really want to kiss at school.”  
  
Richard allowed himself to watch the scene unfold in front of him before he finally managed to tear away his eyes from the screen. At least he had seen this movie already a couple times.  
“It was...okay, I guess”, he finally went on. “She was a classmate of mine, and my parents liked her just enough to allow me to spend time with her regularly. I really liked her, so I asked her out on a date one day. She gave me a kiss afterwards.”  
Richard shrugged, while Vincent looked at him with an amused expression.  
“Just like in your movies, huh.”  
Richard gave Vincent’s thigh a playful squeeze, but otherwise opted to ignore that little jab at his fondness for romantic movies.  
“My first time with a man was with that stranger in the bar, think I was 32 there? He was the one I spent some time with in his car later, you know the story. I was pretty surprised when he kissed me, but I enjoyed it a lot. Really had to get used to the stubble though.”  
Vincent chuckled, not without caressing Richard’s smoothly shaven cheek with the back of his hand.  
  
"What about you? Was it Anthony?”  
Of course Richard would remember the name of the boy Vincent had lost his virginity to. When had he told him that story? Over a year ago? Big Guy never seemed to forget anything you once told him.  
  
Vincent grabbed another handful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth, swiping away some crumbs on his chest and lap before finally answering Richard’s question. He didn’t seem too keen on talking about it.  
“Yeah, was him. I mean, had spent a lot of time daydreaming about kissing one of the guys before, and especially him. Was 16 there as well, had my birthday shortly before actually. We both were drunk as hell when it happened but I certainly enjoyed it.”  
He sighed and leaned back into the sofa. Even after all that time he still felt anger rising up in him whenever he remembered that night and the aftermath of it.  
“My second kiss was way later. Kept to myself the rest of highschool, too scared anyone could find out about...well. Know what I mean.”  
He pushed a couple unpopped kernels around in the bowl before he put it away with a sigh.  
  
Richard mustered Vincent’s tensed expression, before he slowly leaned towards him.   
“You know Vincent...whatever might happen, I just hope you will be my last kiss.”  
He pressed a kiss on Vincent’s cheek who just pushed him away with yet another groan.  
“Jesus Christ, Big Guy! Tone it down a notch, will ya? Movie’s getting to your head!”  
He mustered Richard’s affectionate, loving eyes gazing at him for a moment.  
“Just...let us finish it, alright?!”  
  
Vincent looked back at the screen, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t hide the smile forming on his lips. Richard watched him for a moment before he too turned back to the movie again.  
While they were sitting there in silence, Vincent’s hand slowly moved towards Richard’s and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
  
  


  
  


_  
_


	2. Kiss on a scrunched up face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent isn't a morning person, but that doesn't stop Richard from waking him up if needed.

Richard was pretty much the definition of an early bird. He would wake up early every day, even the ones he could technically sleep in, and start his day with the rising sun.  
When asked why he did that, he would just smile and shrug.  
“I just enjoy it.”  
For him waking up early meant a chance to spend a couple hours in silence, before his busy work day and other responsibilities would demand his full attention.  
It was probably the only time Richard truly had for himself in a day, even if he usually still spent it working.

Vincent meanwhile...well Vincent was pretty much the opposite of that.  
While Richard had already showered, shaved, dressed up, checked his emails and prepared breakfast, Vincent was still lying in bed and just wishing for the day to start without him.  
Richard wakes up looking gracefully as always, while Vincent’s hair would stand up in all directions. Richard would be already pacing around the apartment, while Vincent still struggled to get both feet out of the bed. Richard would be walking around preparing their breakfast, Vincent would shuffle into the kitchen like a zombie in search of some coffee. Like so often, they couldn’t be more different.

However, even if Richard’s energy in the morning was sometimes difficult for Vincent to handle, it at least meant for a very comfortable waking up process. Richard always did his best not to wake him up too early, and whenever Vincent finally managed to leave the bed a breakfast was already waiting for him. 

Today, unfortunately, was not one of those days.  
Richard’s sister had invited them to visit her in Germany, and much to Vincent’s dismay Richard had picked the early flight back to his home country.  
Once Richard’s alarm blared into the darkness of the bedroom, Richard was already up on his feet. Vincent muttered something, turning onto his side with a groan. Surely he could allow himself a couple more minutes, right?  
He buried his face deeper into the pillow, stretched himself under the warm and cozy blanket. Richard’s smell was still coming from the other side of the bed and Vincent moved a little closer to it. God, how comfortable he was!

Richard apparently had different plans for him though.  
Before Vincent could even think about falling asleep again, Richard already opened the curtains to let in the soft golden glow of the sun.The room was brightly illuminated now, much to Vincent’s dismay. Vincent tried to pull up the blanket in defense, but Richard already grabbed it and pulled it down again.  
Vincent looked up at him with a scrunched up face, blinded by the light and clearly showing his unwillingness to stand up already.

“Rise and shine, my love…”, Richard softly whispered before pressing a kiss on Vincent’s unruly hair.  
Christ, if the Big Guy wouldn’t be so sweet about it, Vincent would have already strangled him for this. Instead Vincent just muttered back a “yeah, yeah” before leaning against Richard for a moment.  
He’d never get used to waking up early, but he surely could get used to waking up with a kiss from Richard.


	3. Recording a video for the other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent records a video for Richard while he's on one of his motorcycle trips.

“Stay safe, alright?”  
“Christ Big Guy, ain’t the first time I’m doing this, don’t worry!”

Richard let out a low sigh while looking at the motorcycle standing next to Vincent. While it surely wasn’t the first time Vincent went out on a long trip, Richard still wasn’t a big fan of it. Vincent riding a motorcycle overall wasn’t exactly something Richard was very thrilled about. Richard had seen too many crash victims wheeled into the hospital to ever feel comfortable about his boyfriend riding one, yet alone driving out far away from any civilization.

Vincent however of course loved it. He loved the speed, he loved freedom and independence. Just driving down empty highways, enjoying nature passing him by. For two weeks it was just him and the road. While he had still been single, going on these trips had been one of the things that had kept him from going mad at work. A calendar on his fridge would always remind him of the next time he could escape the city, his obligations and other worries. 

Since he had met Richard though, things had gotten a bit more complicated. Both of them had busy schedules, and even in their day to day life it sometimes was difficult to meet regularly. So many days they only saw each other in passing, or at most could spend a couple hours exhausted on the sofa together. Vincent going alone on one of his trips meant they couldn’t go on a vacation together. 

The first year Vincent didn’t mention it, but after some time he couldn’t ignore the itch anymore. He missed driving far out and just being completely alone for once. He loved Richard but God, he needed some time for himself again.  
It took him a bit until he had mustered up the courage to bring it up with Richard, and to his surprise Richard was alright with it. 

That is, mostly alright. While Richard understood Vincent’s desire, he still wasn’t exactly comfortable knowing that Vincent would be alone on the road for weeks. The motorcycle could break, he could get injured, robbed or worse. So far out nobody could help him if he was in danger, especially not Richard. He would be completely on his own.  
Like so often Richard in the end accepted it though. Vincent was a grown man after all who could do what he wanted. Richard trusted his experience and in the end wanted him to be happy, even if that meant that Vincent had to be out on the road for a couple weeks.

Vincent was sitting on his motorcycle now, helmet in hands.  
“See you soon then, Big Guy…”, Vincent said with a smile and Richard nodded.  
“Let me know you’re alright once in a while, okay?”  
Richard gave Vincent a short kiss and Vincent chuckled.  
“Will do...and hey, don’t miss me too much, alright?”  
Richard watched how Vincent put on his helmet, revved the engine and drove out to seek one of his adventures. Richard just hoped he’d come back in one piece.

\--

During his trip Vincent had done his best to leave Richard a short message at least once a day. Sometimes a photo, sometimes a text message, just to make sure Richard wouldn’t worry too much about him. Richard meanwhile respected his wish to spend some time alone and kept his interaction with Vincent to a minimum. In the end, he could tell him all about his trip once he was back, right?

A week into Vincent’s trip though Richard was surprised to find a video waiting for him.  
He had decided to check his phone in between surgeries, hoping to maybe find a message from Vincent that would make his day a little brighter.  
While Richard was standing at his locker he looked down at the little thumbnail. It only showed a brownish color for now and Richard wasn’t entirely sure what to expect.  
He put in his headphones, plugged them in and tapped the play icon.

On the screen in front of him he watched Vincent put down his phone onto a table, apparently that was his hand in front of the lens, before he finally leaned back and looked into the camera.  
“Hey Big Guy, it’s me! Thought you might miss my ugly mug and voice so much, better send you a lil’ recording of me so you won’t forget me.”  
Richard couldn’t help but smile once he saw Vincent sitting there. Vincent was right, he had missed seeing and hearing him. Richard stopped the video for a moment just to allow himself a good look at Vincent. Vincent’s hair stood up like always and his beard was even messier than usual. His eyes were shiny, and that bright toothy grin was a testament of how good Vincent seemed to feel. Vincent looked genuinely excited, and even if Richard missed him he couldn’t help but feel happy for Vincent.  
Once he pressed play again, Vincent went back to his usual rambling.

“Been a week on the road now and had a total blast so far. Got to meet some nice folks who drove the last two days with me, gonna split up today. Gotta tell you Big Guy, my ass is probably even flatter than before now from all that sitting! Pretty sure I got a lil’ sunburn too, but I ain’t complaining. Took a shitton of pics I can show you once I’m back and the connection isn’t so spotty. Hope this video won’t take ages to send either.  
Gotta hit the road soon to get to my next stop. Will spend two days there because Christ, need a break. Guess I’m not the youngest anymore either, huh?”

Richard felt his throat tighten a little once Vincent laughed about his own comment. He felt overwhelmed with endearment for his scruffy, excited boyfriend sitting there in what seems to be one of those rusty diners. Who could have known a simple laugh would make him feel so strongly.

“Hope you enjoyed this update, gotta get some breakfast now. No scrambled eggs from you I’m afraid, but they make some mean chocolate chip pancakes here I gotta try.”  
Vincent smiled but then seemed to turn nervous, abashed even.  
Richard watched Vincent chew on his lower lip before he leaned closer to his phone. He looked around a couple times as if he was afraid someone could listen in on him. When he finally spoke up again his voice was quiet and soft.  
“Love you, Big Guy. See you soon!”

With that Vincent ended his recording.  
Richard stared at the thumbnail for a moment before he slowly took off his headphones. The fact Vincent had recorded this for him still moved him. He knew how difficult it probably had been for Vincent to utter these last words as well. Vincent never had been good with words but his gestures always managed to hit the spot.

Before Richard would leave for lunch, he typed down a short reply to Vincent.  
“Glad to see you are enjoying your trip, please tell me everything once you are back.  
I love you too, and thank you for the recording. I can’t wait to see you again :-)”  
Richard locked up his phone and with a wide smile he left the room.


	4. Distracting Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent tries to distract Richard from his work related worries.

Both Richard and Vincent had the bad habit of bringing home work.  
For Vincent it usually meant mulling over whatever case he was currently working on. Sometimes that meant jumping up in the middle of the night to write something down or look into. Most of the time though it just was Vincent pacing around and muttering to himself until something else caught his attention.

For Richard however, it was bringing home patient files and preparing himself for upcoming surgeries. While Vincent understood the need for Richard to read through these files beforehand and make sure he was prepared, he also sometimes wished Richard would allow himself time off just to relax. Richard cared for his patients, but Vincent cared for Richard in the end. Not to mention that Vincent also enjoyed attention and wasn’t exactly keen on Richard ignoring him.

It had been one of those days again where Richard seemed to be glued to his files.  
Already very absently-minded while cooking and eating dinner, he now was sitting on the sofa reading his notes again. Vincent had left him be, he knew Richard needed it, and had opted to just entertain himself for the evening. He didn’t mind Richard being around in his apartment. Besides, he sure as hell knew how it was like to be still mentally stuck at work. 

At one point though, by now it was late at night and Vincent wanted to go to bed, he realized Richard was still sitting there and reading.  
“Hey Big Guy, maybe it’s time to finally hit the sheets, huh? Pretty sure tomorrow will be fine.”  
“It’s not for tomorrow, it was a patient I had today…”, Richard muttered, more to himself than to Vincent.

Vincent finally realized what was the cause for Richard being so quiet the whole evening. He wasn’t preparing himself, he was going through whatever surgery he had performed today to look for any flaws. Something he might have missed, something he might have done wrong. Vincent knew Richard often did that whenever something didn’t go as planned, or the patient was an especially rough one for Richard. Children usually, or patients that had waited long to finally receive a much needed transplant. 

Vincent now cursed himself for not having spoken up sooner. Richard tended to quickly fall into a rabbit hole once he started to doubt himself or look for flaws in his work. While Richard was very confident, he also was very critical. Someone like him couldn’t afford making any mistakes.  
However, by now Vincent knew that Richard was long past evaluating his performance and instead was just stuck. It was time to help him get out of this loop.

“I’m sure it’s alright, Richard. Let’s get you into bed, you need the sleep.”  
Richard didn’t react and Vincent shook his head with a sigh. Time to pull out the big guns.  
Vincent slowly approached Richard from behind the sofa now, his arms snaking around Richard’s shoulders. While his hands started to travel down the collar of Richard’s shirt he started peppering kisses on Richard’s cheek and jawline.  
“Hmmm…?”, Richard absently-minded hummed, his eyes still glued onto the pages before him.  
“You gonna start paying attention to me Big Guy, or do I gotta work for it?”, Vincent whispered against Richard’s ear before playfully nibbling on it. 

Richard finally turned his head and looked up to Vincent. Vincent could see in his eyes how tired he was, both from physical and mental exhaustion. It hurt to see Richard like that.

Before Richard could say something, Vincent already kissed him on his lips. Richard closed his eyes and returned the kiss with a satisfied sigh. While he was leaning into the kiss one of Vincent’s hands reached for the file and pulled it away.  
“Enough for today, Big Guy…”, Vincent whispered against his lips. “Can’t do a good job tomorrow if you’re dead tired, right?”  
Richard nodded and Vincent caressed his cheek with the back of his hand.  
“Pretty sure everything is alright, and your patient will be fine. Now let’s go to sleep.”  
Richard kissed Vincent’s hand before he finally stood up.

Vincent watched Richard head for the bedroom and how his large frame slowly walked inside. It was difficult to imagine that such a man could be plagued with worries like that.  
Vincent put aside the file before he followed Richard. Tomorrow he would try to lift him up a little, for now he was just glad he got Richard into bed.


	5. Ferris Wheel Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent takes Richard out for a date night and becomes aware of one of Richard's biggest fears.

“So Big Guy, ever been to the pier before?”, Vincent said while poking his fork into his eggs.  
Richard sat down next to him with his own breakfast and slowly shook his head.  
“I’m afraid not. As it is, I have seen very little of the city since I’ve started living here. Got roped into work right away, and it’s a pretty big city to boot.”  
Vincent smirked to himself and after swallowing down a large bite of his food he looked at Richard with a wide grin.  
“It’s a date then, Big Guy. Could use some time off anyway, relax a bit, ya know? Can’t always work or attend one of your stupid frilly parties.”

Richard wasn’t exactly sure what to make of this, but Vincent did have a point. He had been in this city for nearly two years now, and he definitely needed a bit of a break as well. Maybe it would be nice to just spend an evening out together.  
“It’s a date then, I assume?”, Richard repeated and Vincent gave him a wink.  
“You bet’cha.”

\--

After work they both met for dinner in a small, cozy Italian restaurant near the pier. Vincent loved the food there, and Richard was a big fan of the desserts they had to offer as well.  
“Hey, don’t dig in too much, still gotta have some other stuff to look forward to!”, Vincent said while he allowed himself a piece of Richard’s tiramisu.  
Richard just chuckled, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what Vincent was talking about.  
“What do you have planned for tonight?”, Richard asked before he took the last bite.  
“‘s a surprise, but don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Once the sun had started to set they walked slowly towards the pier.  
Richard could already see the sparkling lights from afar, reflecting off the water surrounding it. It looked gorgeous, and Richard couldn’t help but ask himself why he hadn’t gone here sooner. He looked over to Vincent, who was smoking a cigarette. He blew out the smoke slowly when he saw Richard looking at him.  
“See, promised too much?”  
“No, it’s beautiful. Thank you Vincent, I appreciate it.”  
Richard pressed a short kiss on Vincent’s cheek and Vincent ducked away from him with a nervous laugh.  
“Hey, it’s nothing big…”, Vincent said before he looked away and took another drag of his cigarette.  
Doing something like that in public still wasn’t easy for Vincent, but it moved him that Richard enjoyed himself so much.

When they finally stepped onto the pier Richard looked around like a kid in a candy store. All the lights, the people walking around, the rides and food amazed him to see. He loved the buzz, loved being surrounded by other people who enjoyed themselves to the fullest. It made him feel alive in a way, much like being with Vincent did.

For Vincent visiting the pier was nothing special anymore though. He had been here so many times already since he had started living in the city, but watching Richard being so amazed did something to him. Richard was always so controlled, and from what Richard had been willing to share about his childhood these things weren’t common for him to do. It was nice to see him so delighted.

Vincent looked around a bit until he saw a booth selling sweets.  
“Know what? Gonna treat you to some cotton candy, walking around here is not the same without it.”  
Before Richard was able to say something, Vincent already pulled out his wallet and talked to the man in front of the booth. He cringed a little on the inside when he heard the price, buying anything on the pier was close to highway robbery, but seeing the Big Guy so happy was in the end priceless to him.

Shortly afterwards he presented Richard a big, pink and fluffy stick full of cotton candy.  
“I assume that’s what you meant earlier?”, Richard said while he took the stick from him.  
“Don’t remember the last time I ate cotton candy...not sure I ever tried it before at all.”  
Richard mustered the fluffy mass in front of him, clearly unsure how to approach it. Vincent quietly watched him with a sly smile on his lips. He watched how Richard turned his head to the side a couple times, leaning towards the treat before pulling away again once he realized he couldn’t get to it without it touching his face. He carefully grabbed it, displeased about the sticky feeling on his hands. He let out a low sigh and then just bit into it.  
“How d’ya like it?”, Vincent said while ripping off a piece for himself.  
“It’s...well, very sweet. But I enjoy how it melts in your mouth.”

They walked down the fair together, slowly eating from the cotton candy while checking out the booths and rides. Once in a while Vincent would point at something to tell Richard some funny tidbit about this attraction...or just to talk about how he once had a seagull steal his hot-dog over there.

They came to a halt in front of the ferris wheel.  
“You know, it’s solar powered. Only one in the world which is, far as I remember.”  
“Huh…”, Richard said while slowly looking up to it.  
The lights were flashing brightly and they allowed themselves a moment to watch the show. Colorful patterns that moved across the whole wheel, blinking in rhythm with the music coming from nearby speakers. Seeing this at night made it seem like lights were floating in the dark sky.

“Come on Big Guy, let’s hitch a ride, huh?”, Vincent said all of a sudden.  
Richard blinked at him in confusion, but before he was able to protest Vincent already walked towards the line of people waiting to buy a ticket.  
“Vincent, I’m not so sure…”, Richard said while slowly following Vincent.  
“Aw come on, live a little Big Guy. Besides, gives you a nice view of the whole area. Trust me!”  
Richard looked up to the ferris wheel and felt his stomach drop a little.  
“Vincent, I really don’t think we…”, he started but Vincent already put the ticket into his hand.

Extremely reluctantly Richard now followed Vincent to their gondola.  
He saw how Vincent talked to the man opening the gondolas and watched the man nod, before Vincent waved towards Richard.  
“Get in, others wanna get onto the ride too!”  
Richard had to push himself to walk towards the gondola, and a little stiff he gave the man his ticket before he stepped inside. Much to his surprise he closed it right away, not allowing any other person to join them. Richard now understood what Vincent had discussed earlier with the man.

With a short jerk the wheel started to move again and Richard’s hands immediately bolted forward to grab the rails. While Vincent was busy looking around, turning his head to get a better view of first the pier and then the ocean, Richard was trying to stay calm.  
The wheel slowly moved higher and higher, and whenever it stopped to let in another passenger their gondola swayed around a little. Richard stared down onto his feet but it didn’t help much to combat the dizziness. He barely managed to listen to Vincent’s ramblings, who was still oblivious to what was happening right next to him.

They were now at the top of the ride and Vincent turned towards Richard.  
“See, told you the view is great, huh?”, he said with a wide smile.  
That smile quickly vanished once he realized that Richard sat stiff like a board next to him and held onto the rails like his life depended on it.  
“Hey, you alright? You don’t look too hot, Big Guy.”  
“I’m...well...I’m a little afraid of heights, Vincent”, Richard said with a grimace.  
He looked at Vincent with a weak smile. Vincent watched how Richard’s eyes slowly looked away from his face and towards the skyline behind him, and Richard quickly turned away his head again.  
“Wait, what? Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“I tried, but...I think I guessed it wouldn’t be so bad? You seemed to be really keen on riding this.”

Vincent groaned and wiped his hand over his face for a moment. God, who could have known a 6 foot 9 guy like Richard was afraid of heights. Hell, how did the man look down at his feet?! Vincent swallowed down the snarky comment and tried to focus onto Richard.  
Richard was still sitting there, slowly breathing through his nose, trying his best to not focus on what was happening around him. Vincent had to distract him somehow.

Vincent looked around them, as if the solution was somewhere there in the sky with them. He looked at some of the gondolas surrounding them. In some of them couples were sitting together, sharing a kiss or overall being busy with themselves. Vincent rubbed the back of his neck for a moment, before he made a decision. He took a deep breath and reached for Richard’s head.

“Hey Big Guy, look at me”, he said with a soft voice and Richard followed his request.  
Vincent softly caressed Richard’s cheek and slowly shuffled closer towards him.  
“Close your eyes”, he whispered before he sealed Richard’s lips with a kiss.  
Slowly he felt Richard relax underneath his hands and his breathing normalized as well.  
He allowed his tongue to grace Richard’s lips and without hesitation Richard opened his mouth for him. Even if it made Vincent nervous, he couldn’t help but enjoy their kiss. He never had done this with a guy before, and while the thought of being seen still worried him it was well worth the risk. Not only for the experience, but also for knowing it helped Richard to calm down.

Slowly Richard let go of the rails and reached out to Vincent instead. Unfortunately that was quickly followed by a surprised yelp from Richard when the wheel started moving again.  
“Don’t worry, it’s all over soon...just keep your eyes on me, alright?”, Vincent whispered against Richard’s lips.  
He smiled at him and Richard returned the smile before he allowed himself to lean his head against Vincent’s shoulder.  
Vincent chuckled and rubbed his back, like a mother calming down her child. In Vincent’s case a ridiculously tall child that was afraid of heights.

Once they were low enough again, Vincent gently pushed away Richard and straightened himself in his seat. They were too easily seen now that Vincent still felt comfortable being so close to Richard. Richard meanwhile kept his eyes on him, a hand resting on Vincent’s thigh hidden from anyone else’s view.

With shaky legs Richard stepped out of the gondola. He was relieved to finally have solid ground underneath his feet again. While they walked away from the ride Vincent rubbed the back of his neck again.  
“Hey, sorry I pushed you to go on that ride with me, just thought you’d like the view.”  
Richard looked back at the wheel once more before he turned back to Vincent.  
“I did. In the end you made it very enjoyable.”  
He winked at Vincent who let out a low groan again.  
“Yeah, now we’re being smooth again, huh?”, he said, not without giving Richard a small nudge.  
“Come on Big Guy, let's go home.”


	6. Holding Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Vincent go out for some Christmas shopping and end up ice skating together.

For Vincent coming to terms with his sexuality had been a long journey. While he wasn’t the distressed teen anymore that would cry at night realizing he might be gay, there were still some things that were difficult for him to shake off.

One of them was to be outed against his will, or to be seen by the wrong people. He didn’t mind being gay...but he was afraid of the people who could mind. Coming from a less than supportive background and a very conservative family, Vincent was used to keeping his sexuality to himself unless he had a good reason to mention it. If you’d ask him, he’d give you an honest answer accompanied with a daring chin thrust, as if he was waiting for you to give him a reason to cuss you out. But as long as nobody asked, Vincent preferred to keep his secret. 

Richard meanwhile had spent most of his life being with women. Realizing he might be bisexual was a very slow journey for him, and he took it with a shrug and “I’ll look into that later”. While it never caused him any distress, he still knew what it could potentially mean for him. The circles Richard frequented, the people he knew, his family...none of them would probably approve much of it. While the majority of these people didn’t matter to Richard, he also wasn’t exactly keen on jeopardizing anything because of bigoted, outdated people turning their nose on him.  
But as he grew older, and Richard finally had the chance to actually satisfy his curiosity, Richard also had started to care less and less about these things. He was a grown man, renowned surgeon, his family considered him a black sheep anyway...what could they do?

Because of that, Richard saw no reason not to be open about himself or the relationship he had. While he didn't take Vincent on any of those fancy dinner parties, he had chosen to leave him behind because he knew he would hate it. Hell, Richard hated it too! Not dragging him along meant at least one of them got spared from ridiculous small portion sizes, and a lot of old people talking snobbish bullshit.  
Aside from that though, Richard was very open about who he loved and who was his partner.

While Richard’s family had been very cold, and his father extremely disapproving of his son becoming “too soft”, Richard was a very gentle and loving person. He enjoyed being affectionate towards his partners, including Vincent. Something Vincent first had to get used to, but very much enjoyed. Richard’s frequent kisses, hugs and gentle touches were a great source of comfort to him.  
Whatever Richard’s family had tried on him definitely hadn’t worked. 

However, Richard’s willingness to do these things outside of their apartments was something Vincent still struggled with. Whenever Richard would give him a kiss, reach for his hand or get too close to him, Vincent would flinch or back away.  
While Vincent was surprised about it, and also moved a bit that Richard was so open about them, he couldn’t shake off his old fear. Sure, nobody in their right mind would probably try to start something with a man that looked like Richard, but still.  
Most of the time Vincent would just chuckle and make a cheeky comment to soften the blow, and Richard would accept it...but Vincent still felt a bit guilty about it. 

When Richard brought it up with him, mainly to make sure he wasn’t doing anything that Vincent didn’t want to, Vincent denied that it was a big problem for him.  
“Look, it’s just...sometimes I’m a bit on edge. You don’t know what it’s like, Richard…always having to worry about how someone might react once they know.”  
Richard would only comment on that with a “Hm”, before he’d ask Vincent if he’d like him to stop.  
“No, no...I mean, it’s...it’s pretty nice. Just need some time to get used to it, that’s all.”

Richard accepted his answer, but Vincent could tell that he from then on changed how he approached Vincent in public. Vincent sometimes could see that short moment where Richard would ask himself whether he should touch or kiss Vincent, but then opted not to do it. And, oddly enough for Vincent, it hurt him. Knowing that Richard was making the respectful decision to give him space when they were in public was polite, but in the end Vincent had enjoyed acting like a “normal” couple for once. The type of relationship he as a young, gay teen had always thought he could never have without having to fear for his well-being.  
Besides, he felt bad taking this away from Richard. While Richard took it well, it still bothered Vincent he had blocked Richard off like that. 

\--

Christmas was steadily approaching, and with that the usual holiday stress. While the city wasn’t exactly winter-y or had any snow, there still were a lot of people on the streets and in the stores doing their Christmas shopping. Everything was decorated and there was a lot to see and do during that time.  
Richard, much to Vincent’s surprise, enjoyed that buzz. Hell, the Big Guy loved Christmas for all it had to offer. And while Richard could surely just do his shopping online, he still preferred to go out and wander around the city.

Vincent would accompany him to these tours, even if being surrounded by people going wild because of some holiday wasn’t exactly his idea of having a good time.  
They would stroll down the richly decorated streets together, take breaks in cozy cafes, and talk about what to eat on the big day. Especially for couples it was a great time to walk around together, and Vincent saw a fair share of them. Girlfriends holding onto their boyfriends’ hands, wives hooking into their husbands’ arms. Meanwhile he and Richard were walking side by side like friends. While it usually was something Vincent ignored, he now was extremely aware of it since they had their talk. 

When they turned around a corner, Richard let out a surprised “Oooh” all of a sudden.  
“They have an ice rink here?”, he said while slowly walking towards it to get a better view.  
“Yeah, got a couple of those in the city actually.”  
Richard was standing at the rink now and looked up to the richly decorated tree that was standing in the middle.  
“Wanna go for a round, Big Guy? My feet are killing me, but wouldn’t mind getting onto the ice a bit.”  
Richard slowly lowered his head.  
“Hmm, I’m afraid that wouldn’t go so well. I’ve only tried it once in my youth.”  
He looked back at the people skating around and Vincent mustered his face for a moment before he tugged at Richard’s sleeve.  
“Bullshit Big Guy, let’s do this!”

Minutes later the two of them were standing on the ice together. Or better, Vincent was standing while Richard was holding onto the rail and unable to even make a step.  
While Vincent was skating around the rink like he had never done anything else, Richard was moving along the rails like a newborn deer.  
“You make it look...so easy…”, Richard muttered when Vincent came back to him.  
“Yeah, did it a lot as a kid, and also had roller-blades for summer. Pretty much the same, just on ice.”  
Vincent watched Richard struggle around a little longer, before he finally showed him how to move around on the ice.

With time Richard got a little better at doing his rounds, and at one point he even managed to stand up straight. While still a little shaky on his legs he at least now was able to let go of the rails as well. They slowly skated beside each other, and Vincent couldn’t help but feel a warmth spreading in his stomach when he saw Richard laugh and smile like that.

Vincent turned away from him for a moment and enjoyed the breeze on his face and the cold air coming up from the ice. He looked around, saw small children being taught how to skate and couples holding hands while doing their rounds. There it was again, that gnawing feeling of jealousy.

He looked back to Richard, who was muttering something to himself while carefully moving his legs. He tried his best to concentrate on not falling, and was completely oblivious to what was happening around him.  
Vincent kept watching him for some time before he made his decision. While he was still worried about any repercussions, he also was sick of holding back any longer. He had spent too much of his life like that. He wanted to experience all these things he had always dreamt of as a teen. If not with Richard, with whom else?

“Hey, gimme your hand, Big Guy”, Vincent said before reaching for Richard’s hand.  
He didn’t miss the surprise on Richard’s face, both about Vincent’s sudden request and him holding his hand, but Vincent just opted to play pretend. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, even if it was one. Richard, thankfully, seemed to feel the same.

“Follow me, gonna ramp up the speed a bit!”  
He dragged Richard along with him and together they skated across the rink. 

\--

Once they had enough of their little adventure they went back to their original plan, namely checking out the nearby stores and streets.  
This time though, they were holding hands.


	7. Mistletoe Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is about to be cancelled for Richard, but Vincent is trying his best to get him into the right mood.

Richard loved Christmas.  
While his childhood Christmas experiences were usually pretty stiff, it never killed his excitement for the holidays. He’d go all in, lavishly decorate his place, throw parties and give plenty of gifts. He loved the music, the food, the kitsch and overall cozyness.

Since Vincent had met Richard, his attitude towards Christmas had changed as well. While before he usually worked that day for the sweet bonus on his check, he now was actually eager to celebrate it. Celebrating Christmas with Richard meant getting the type of Christmas you saw in kitschy movies and shopping malls. It was hard not to be infected by his enthusiasm for it. 

It would be their third Christmas together now. The first one was shortly after they had started dating, still a little stiff and distant. Vincent still remembered thinking he’d show up for a large party, but instead it had just been the two of them in Richard’s apartment. The second Christmas Richard had allowed Vincent to pick the decorations and food. He had wanted Vincent to have the ultimate Christmas experience Vincent had always dreamt of as a kid.  
Now their third one...their third one posed a bit of a challenge.

It was the first week of December, and by now Richard would have already started decorating his place. Vincent commented on that when he visited Richard during the week and realized his apartment was still lacking any kind of decoration..  
Richard just let out a low sigh in response and crossed his arms.  
“I fear this year I won’t have time for that. Or Christmas overall. Situation in the hospital is a bit difficult at the moment.”  
Next to a lot of sick colleagues they had been overall very thinly spread the last weeks. On top Richard preferred it when families could spend these days together, so he had been willing to jump in for some colleagues. He knew what that meant for himself, and Vincent.  
“I’m sorry, Vincent. I’ll make up for it, I promise.”

While Vincent was of course sad about the idea not to celebrate with Richard, he felt a lot sadder seeing Richard so crushed about this. Not to mention that the Big Guy felt guilty for letting him down.

With each day getting closer to Christmas, Vincent could tell more and more that Richard was in a bit of a slump. He still hadn’t decorated his place, nor was he especially excited about the holidays. While he had helped out as Santa for the kids in the hospital, he still seemed to be far from his usual Christmas spirit.   
Vincent knew he had to do something, and soon he had come up with a plan.

\--

It was Christmas Eve, and instead of looking forward to the following day, Richard was still busy with work. The last weeks had been stressful, even for someone like Richard who was used to being busy and loved his job. Today was no different for him, and with a weak smile he gave Vincent a kiss at the door.   
“See you tonight, Big Guy”, Vincent said before Richard walked out to leave for yet another long shift. 

Once the door had closed behind him, Vincent started pushing around his furniture and getting out stuff he had hidden in his closet for weeks now. Just because Richard couldn’t decorate his place this year, didn’t mean that Vincent couldn’t for once decorate his own apartment. Sure, he didn’t have a 9 foot tall real pine tree or could cook as well as Richard, but damn it. He could at least do something to cheer up Richard a bit. 

Hours later Richard finally returned with heavy steps and slumped shoulders.  
“Vincent, I’m back. Sorry, I’m late again…”, he said while taking off his coat and shoes.  
He didn’t realize something was different until he turned around and looked into the living room. Lots of small lights and candles were sparkling in the dim room and Vincent was standing in the middle of it. Vincent was wearing a goofy pullover with a bunch of reindeer, rubbing his neck and smiling at Richard.  
“Hey Big Guy...know this year it’s a bit difficult, so I thought I’d just put together a lil’ something for you.”

He walked towards Richard while Richard looked around the room in awe. There was a little beaten up fake tree standing in the corner, some decoration pieces here and there.  
“Know it’s not as fancy...”, Vincent started but Richard interrupted him immediately.  
“It’s perfect, Vincent. Thank you so much.”  
He pulled Vincent into a tight hug and kissed his hair.  
“Hey hey, it’s nothing big...but glad you like it…”, Vincent muttered against Richard’s chest.  
He wrapped his arms around him and enjoyed their tight embrace for a moment. He was relieved Richard had found his spirit back. There was nothing worse than seeing Richard all crushed during his favorite holiday. 

“Do I smell cinnamon and...burning?”, Richard said once he let go of Vincent again.  
“Yeah, about that...tried to make a fancy Christmas dinner for you, but...huh. Let’s say there’s only dessert for dinner, but I hope you like baked apples.”  
Richard chuckled and pressed another kiss on Vincent’s hair.  
“But hey, got one of those at least for you”, Vincent said while pointing up.  
Richard’s eyes slowly followed and he smiled once he saw the mistletoe dangling above them. Without hesitation he leaned forward and gave Vincent a long, tender kiss.  
Once they parted again Richard caressed Vincent’s cheek. His expression was soft and loving, and for the first time in weeks Richard seemed genuinely happy. 

“Merry Christmas, Vincent. Thank you”, Richard whispered, followed by another kiss.   
Vincent pushed him away with a chuckle.   
“Don’t mention it, Big Guy...now let's get you out of these clothes, got a pullover waiting for you with an ugly snowman on the front.”


	8. New Year's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year comes to an end, and Richard and Vincent celebrate the start of a new one together.

“Your friends are all so...so…”  
“Boring?”

Vincent chuckled behind his glass but then nodded.  
“I mean, didn’t want to say it like that but…yeah, boring. Also got the feeling they’ve never bought their own groceries or ever spent a day living like a normal person.”  
Richard let out a sigh, followed by yet another sigh when he looked down at the tiny plate in his hand.  
“By now I wish we would have stayed home for New Year’s and had just ordered a pizza.”  
They looked at each other for a moment.  
“Wanna bail?”  
“Thought you would never ask. Let’s leave.”

\--

It was the last day of the year and midnight steadily approaching.  
Since both of them hadn’t planned anything for the night, they had accepted an invitation from one of Richard’s friends. Well, “friends” probably described it better. Richard didn't really think of them as friends but more as "acquaintances due to circumstances" - people he had met through his family, his obligations or job. At most Richard spent time with them on the fancy dinner parties he once in a while was forced to attend. Richard never had felt comfortable in these circles and usually avoided those people where he could.

When Richard received the invitation, Vincent couldn’t help but laugh about it.  
“So, you gonna go there and take me along? Bet their monocles would fall straight into the champagne if they see me kiss you.”  
They had joked about it at first, but then agreed to give it a try.  
Both had hoped the party would be one of those crazily lavish ones with good entertainment, and if not they could at least raid the buffet. In the end though it had just meant squeezing themselves in tuxedos, listening to people talk about their private yachts and eating weird food from way too small plates. 

Now they were sitting on a park bench together, a pizza box between them.  
Meanwhile other people started to arrive as well, bringing along picnic blankets and chairs. From the park you always had a good view on the fireworks.

“Now tell me, Big Guy…”, Vincent said between two bites, “got any plans for the new year? Any good resolutions?”  
Richard thought about his answer for a moment, a piece of pizza in hand as well.  
“Hmm, no, not really. I’m very happy where I am right now in life.”  
He gave Vincent a wink before he turned back to his slice.  
“Romantic idiot...”

“So, do you have any plans or good resolutions?”, Richard asked once he was done eating.  
Vincent shook his head while taking a noisy sip from his milkshake.  
“Naw. Tried that so many times, you know? Smoke less, eat better, blabla. Never works anyway.”  
There was some silence between them. While Richard was cleaning his hands, Vincent kept chewing on his straw.  
“Gotta agree with you though, pretty happy where I am right now in life”, he muttered against the straw, not without winking at Richard as well.  
They shared a smile that suddenly was interrupted by people cheering and counting loudly.

“Aw damn Big Guy, get over here. Last kiss of the year!”  
Richard laughed but leaned over to Vincent to give him a kiss. How could he say no to this little tradition? They quickly parted again though and started counting along with the other people around them. 

Once midnight striked, fireworks went up above the city. The dark sky in front of them was brightly illuminated, and for several minutes nothing but the sound of fireworks and the delight of the people surrounding them could be heard. They watched the spectacle together in comfortable silence. 

At one point during the show Vincent felt Richard’s hand slowly reaching for his own. He turned to him, felt his heart flutter when he saw Richard’s blue eyes sparkling from the fireworks above them. His expression was so loving, and Vincent couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed a bit by the beauty of the situation. 

“First kiss of the year,” Richard whispered before their lips met once more.  
It would be the first kiss of many more to come.


	9. Taking pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent and Richard talk about the photos they have on their phones.

Watching Richard use his phone was at times like watching an old man handling new technology for the first time. Vincent had gotten used by now to Richard’s “:-)” emoticons and proper writing style, but watching him use his phone was still torture to him.

“What are you doing there, Big Guy?”, Vincent asked while Richard aimed his phone at the mirror in front of him.   
“My sister wanted a photo of that snowman pullover you got me”, Richard said before turning around to look at Vincent.  
He was wearing the aforementioned pullover, and Vincent couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw the goofy snowman on it again.   
“One of my best gifts, if I may say so myself.”  
He watched how Richard kept trying his best to take a decent photo. Richard kept turning, raising and lowering his arm until he finally was happy enough with one of the pictures he took.

“You know”, Richard said while he watched the little uploading bar, “before I met you I never really used my camera. Those pictures in that dating app we met on were the first ones I ever took of myself.”  
“Yeah, could barely tell.”  
Vincent still remembered them all too well. Richard’s head completely cropped off and only his naked backside visible. While Richard’s nicely formed behind had been a pretty good argument for contacting him, Vincent still asked himself who exactly Richard had tried to attract with that.   
“I really struggled taking those pictures, but now I enjoy it. I use my camera way more often now since I’ve seen you doing the same.”

Vincent raised his eyebrows and turned away with a wide smile. He blew out some air from his nose in amusement before he walked to the sofa.  
“What’s so funny?”, Richard asked before he followed Vincent and sat down next to him.   
“Nothing. Just nice you’re taking so many pictures now, Big Guy. Wanna show me?”  
Richard offered him the phone and Vincent swiped through the gallery. Richard’s photos were...oddly adorable. He took a lot of pictures of animals he saw in the city, usually cute dogs passing by or sitting next to their owners. Pretty skylines, the sunset, palm trees, all the typical pictures tourists liked to take of the city as well. Whenever Richard took a picture of himself it was slightly from below or missing the top of Richard’s head, something that amused Vincent greatly.   
He gave Richard back his phone and Richard looked back at him with a patient smile.

“What?”  
“Well, will you show me the photos you took as well?”  
Vincent rubbed his neck for a moment but then with a sigh gave Richard his own, way more battered up phone.  
Richard started swiping and slowly raised his eyebrows the longer he kept going.  
“You...take a lot of pictures of me”, Richard said dryly after he had seen over a dozen pictures of himself.  
Richard while he was cooking, in the supermarket, driving his car, looking at a menu in the restaurant. Richard was surprised there were none of him sleeping, probably because he always woke up before Vincent. Once in a while there was a picture Vincent took of himself, his motorcycle, a pizza he had ordered. Most of the pictures though were of Richard, and some even had text written on them.  
“Tree among trees?”, Richard read from a picture that showed him standing in a forest they visited together during a Germany trip.   
Vincent cackled about his own joke before he took away the phone from Richard.

“Why do you take so many pictures of me?”  
Vincent very slowly put away his phone, as if he wanted to avoid answering Richard’s question. He started rubbing his neck again and only hesitantly turned back to Richard.  
“Dunno, guess because I like to remember these things and document them. Like to go through them from time to time and remind myself of the time we spent together.”  
Richard thought about the type of pictures Vincent had taken of him. They usually showed Richard doing menial tasks, the things they did during their day to day life. And for some reason Vincent didn’t seem to get tired of documenting that. It moved Richard to know that even after all that time, Vincent still seemed to value these small things enough to document them with a picture.

Richard smiled and gave Vincent a short kiss on his hair.   
“Guess I should make dinner now then so you can take another picture of me, hm?”, he said while standing up.  
Vincent rolled his eyes, but followed Richard with his phone already in hand.


	10. Tip-Toe Kiss

Richard’s height had always been a delight to Vincent.   
He still remembered reading it on Richard’s dating profile back then and thinking to himself it was a stupid joke.   
“6 Foot 9? Yeah, really funny. 69, heh?”   
  
He was used to guys lying about their height, it was a touchy subject for a lot of them.   
In turn Vincent had received quite a few disappointed reactions when his lover for the night realized Vincent was indeed as tall as he had said on the app. Vincent’s height was not as crazy as Richard’s, but he still was taller than the average man with his 6 foot 2. For some reason a tall, lanky guy being your bottom for the night seemed to be close to a nightmare for some.

Vincent really couldn’t blame them though, he too had his preferences. One of them being guys who can tower over him and show him his place with ease. Realizing this Richard person was way taller than him, or at least claimed to be, had been one of the reasons Vincent had decided to give him a chance in the end. They all were a little shallow on that app after all, him included.  
  
He still remembered entering the bar back then and being a bit disappointed when he spotted Richard. He was sitting at a table, hunched over his phone. At least from there he looked pretty normal, and Vincent felt like he once again had been fooled by a profile.   
“6 foot 9 my ass.”   
Vincent’s disappointment quickly vanished once Richard stood up to greet him though. He towered over him, and Richard’s naturally broad build only made him appear even more impressive. It took Vincent a couple seconds to get out of his paralyzed shock state, but once he did he couldn’t stop feeling thrilled. This guy was _tall_ , like, _really tall_. 

Even years later this was still something that Vincent enjoyed.   
Feeling protected when Richard fully embraced him during a hug, how he would lean down to kiss Vincent on his hair, how Vincent would go on tip toes and wrap his arms around Richard’s neck for a kiss. Not to forget that very pleasant feeling of Richard pinning him onto the bed like it was nothing. Besides, there was something incredibly satisfying about ordering Richard down to his height whenever he would pull at his collar.   
  
\--   
  
“Christ Big Guy, hurry up a bit!”, Vincent shouted down while they walked up a long staircase together.   
Richard was slowly following him, looking around and fully soaking in the surrounding landscape. He had asked Vincent to accompany him to check out some staircases he had read about in an article.   
“ _Secret staircases_? Christ, that’s what you wanna see in the city?”

In the end Vincent had agreed to come along, and while he had to admit the view down the Pacific Palisades was pretty gorgeous, he still felt a bit silly to visit this place just for the view. Not to mention by foot, they could have just drove up all the way instead of walking up narrow stairs surrounded by flowery bushes.  
  
While Vincent had quickly made his way up, Richard took his sweet time. Vincent was standing at the top and watched how Richard walked upwards and towards him.   
When Richard finally stood in front of him Vincent couldn’t help but chuckle. For once Vincent was the one towering above him, and it amused Vincent greatly.

“Huh, will you look at that…”, he said while he slightly leaned down, “first time I can look down at you like that. Only takes a couple steps between us, huh, Big Guy?”  
Richard smiled at him, a little breathless from the climb, before he closed his eyes in anticipation for a kiss. Seeing Richard on tip-toes like that was oddly endearing to Vincent, and he asked himself if that’s how Richard saw him whenever their roles were swapped.   
He reached for Richard’s cheek and lifted up his head a little before Vincent finally gave him the kiss he wished for.

“Now get going, Big Guy…”, Vincent said once they parted again, “hope you won’t be scared once we gotta have to go all the way down again!”


	11. Helping a sick Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent got sick and Richard is trying his best to help him.

_“code red big guy_ _  
__don’t come to my place_ _  
__im sick”_  
  
Vincent tossed aside his phone and buried himself back underneath his blanket. God, did he feel miserable. Should have known that sneezing kid in the coffee shop would end up getting him. Now he was lying there, rolled up like a shivering burrito, sniffing and bemoaning himself.  
  
Usually he would crawl to the supermarket downstairs and get himself some canned soup, some crackers, anything that would help to bunker himself up for a couple days. Maybe if he had some money to spare he’d go to the pharmacy too. But now all he could do was lie there and hope he still had enough in his pantry to survive until the next day. He felt dizzy, his legs hurt and how could he feel hot and cold at the same time?!  
“Bullshit…”, Vincent muttered to himself before he rolled onto his side and fell asleep again.

\--  
  
Richard had been surprised to see Vincent’s messages in the morning. Usually Vincent was pretty good at dodging sick people and rarely got a cold or anything worse. His body was probably by now so used to his questionable diet and other bad habits, something like a simple flu could not harm it anymore. Vincent’s words, not Richard’s of course.  
Richard was just relieved they hadn’t seen each other for a couple days now, and that Richard hadn’t infected himself as well.

Richard looked at the message again. He wouldn’t stay out of Vincent’s apartment, he knew Vincent needed some help to get through this. While he wouldn’t sleep there, he at least would support Vincent and make sure he’d get better quickly.  
He left Vincent a short message to make sure he knew Richard would come later. He kept checking his phone throughout the day and since Vincent hadn’t replied to him, Richard left two more messages in hopes of getting his attention  
  
 _“Are you alright? Do you need anything? I’ll come and look after you once my shift has ended._ _  
__Vincent?_ _  
__I guess you are sleeping right now. I’ll be there in half an hour.”_ _  
__  
_Since Vincent hadn’t even read his first message, nor any of the others that followed hours later, Richard assumed that Vincent was hopefully just sleeping. Once Richard’s shift was over he picked up a couple things for Vincent and drove over to his apartment.  
  
\--

When Vincent woke up again it was already early evening. Somehow he had managed to just completely sleep away the day. His nose was still stuffed, his throat itchy, and he felt like a truck had hit him. Repeatedly. 

He looked around and saw light peaking through underneath his bedroom door. He jumped up once he heard steps and the sound of someone rummaging through his kitchen. This better be a burglar and not the Big Guy risking it for him. 

Vincent shuffled outside his bedroom, blanket still around his shoulders, and with a raspy voice he tried to yell at Richard.  
“What are you doing here? I told you not to come!”, he croaked but Richard just turned around at him.  
“I got you some medication and food, it’s in the bag on the counter. I’m cooking you some soup for the next few days, and I also stocked up your freezer in case you’re getting tired of the soup.”  
Vincent was pretty sure Richard was smiling at him while saying that, but it was hard to tell. Richard the always prepared one was wearing gloves and a mask to protect himself from Vincent, but Vincent could tell from his eyes that Richard was giving him his usual soft smile.  
  
Vincent groaned, it was hard to stay mad at the Big Guy when he saw him standing there in the kitchen like that. He peeked into the bag on the counter, and while Richard had picked up mostly essentials, there also were a couple of Vincent’s favorite treats inside. Some snacks to lift up his mood, some stuff that he always liked to eat when he was feeling miserable.  
Richard knew him too well. 

“Sit down on the sofa, I’ll be there for you in a bit.”  
Vincent muttered something underneath his breath but followed Richard’s wish. With a tired groan he dropped onto the sofa. He looked around and realized that Richard had cleaned up his apartment as well. There even was a bucket already standing next to the sofa, and a little bag for used tissues. There seemed to be nothing Richard hadn’t thought of. 

Richard shortly afterwards came over to him, holding a thermometer and large mug.  
“Tea? Uuuugh, noooo…”, Vincent whined but Richard pushed the mug into his hands with another covered up smile.  
“Yes, you need to drink a lot. It’s fruity, don’t worry.”  
Richard already had his suspicions that getting Vincent to drink tea wouldn’t be easy. Getting him to drink chamomile or peppermint even? Absolute impossible, so he opted for something sweeter. In the end taking care of Vincent was like taking care of a sick child.  
He watched Vincent sip the tea, and while he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it he at least drank it without any further complaints.  
  
“Have you measured your temperature already?”  
“Yeah, in the morning. Had like 100.4? So light fever I guess.”  
Richard typed something down in his phone, and Vincent couldn’t help but make a snarky comment about it.  
“Don’t tell me you gotta google now if that’s already a fever, Big Guy.”  
Vincent chuckled, but Richard just shook his head.  
“Just taking notes, I want to take track of your temperature in case it might rise. Let’s measure it again.”  
Thankfully Vincent’s temperature hadn’t gotten much worse, and Richard seemed pleased so far.  
  
“So Doc, tell me...am I gonna die?”, Vincent muttered while wrapping the blanket even tighter around him.  
Richard looked at him with raised eyebrows before he set aside the thermometer.  
“No, you just have a flu. Some rest, enough drinking and giving your body time to fight back should be enough to get you back on your feet soon. Just try to sleep and drink a lot.”  
Richard gently ran a hand through Vincent’s damp hair.  
“If you need me, just write me a message, alright? I’ll check up on you tomorrow evening again.”  
  
While Richard put on his coat Vincent followed him to the door like a miserable blanket pile on legs.  
“Love you, Big Guy…”, Vincent muttered and Richard gently caressed his cheek.  
“I love you too...now eat some soup and get back to sleep.”  
  
  
  



	12. Spooning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent can't sleep during a hot summer's night and thinks about Richard's love of hugging him while sleeping.

“Big Guy, pleeeaase…”, Vincent muttered while pushing Richard away from him.  
A heat wave was torturing the city, and Vincent’s apartment had to suffer from a lack of a properly working AC. Or better, Vincent had to suffer mostly. Even at night the apartment didn’t really cool down and on top his boyfriend was a chronic hugger while asleep.

Richard had the hidden ability to always find Vincent in bed, even when Richard was deep asleep. Vincent more than once had been amused about this whenever he had returned late from work. As soon as his head would touch his pillow, he could bet that Richard would snake his arms around him a moment later. Vincent often had tried to talk to Richard when that happened, just to realize he wasn’t even awake. Somehow his body just knew Vincent was there.

Both of them loved to spoon while sleeping, and usually Vincent enjoyed it when Richard embraced him from behind. He had to get used to it first, but now he looked forward to it whenever they went to bed. It was comfortable, and made him feel very protected and loved. Likewise it was fun to hold onto Richard and give him the chance for once to be the little spoon. Richard was so used to providing his partners with such gestures he genuinely seemed to be surprised whenever someone did the same for him. 

Right now though it was the last thing Vincent wanted to do. They were both warm, sweaty and Vincent absolutely miserable on top. How Richard was able to sleep during all this and even wanted to cuddle was a mystery to him. 

Vincent rolled onto his back and looked over to Richard lying next to him. Since Vincent had refused to be cuddled, Richard had taken his thin blanket instead to hold in his arms.   
“Maybe should get him one of those long pillows to sleep with”, VIncent thought to himself. “Give him something to hold onto that isn’t me.”  
As soon as he finished this thought, Richard’s hand seemed to search for him again. Vincent sighed and grabbed Richard’s hand with his own. It was warm, but something about it felt very soothing.   
“All you get tonight, Big Guy…”, Vincent muttered before his eyes slowly started to get heavy. 

Somehow holding Richard’s hand made it easier to fall asleep, and shortly afterwards Vincent was finally sleeping as well.


	13. Airport Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard has to leave for one of his medical conferences, and Vincent drops him off at the airport.

“So, guess that’s a goodbye, huh?”  
“Vincent, I’ll be away for a week”, Richard muttered to himself while checking the map in front of him. 

Vincent put his hands into his pockets and looked around the airport. People were walking around in a hurry, trying to catch their flights or finally get home after a stressful trip. Couples said goodbye to each other, family members finally got a chance to meet again, overworked business men were about to depart onto yet another flight.   
Meanwhile Richard was here to fly to one of his medical conferences again, and Vincent like always had agreed to dropping him off for that. 

They walked down the airport together, past the numerous overpriced stores and people waiting for their flights. It was loud and crowded, just like everywhere in the city.  
“What are you going to do while I’m away?”, Richard asked and Vincent shrugged his shoulders.  
“Probably what I usually do. Eat pizza all week, play some games, masturbate until my dick is sore...basically the same stuff I did when my parents weren’t home. What about you, Big Guy?”  
“Shake a lot of hands, visit seminars, talk to people...pretty boring I guess, compared to what you have planned.”

Both came to a halt now near the security checkpoint.   
Vincent was by now used to Richard’s trips, but that still didn’t stop him from playing pretend a little. While they were standing in front of each other, Vincent looked up to Richard with a playful pout.  
“You gonna get me something nice at least?”, he said and Richard replied with a chuckle.  
“I’ll try my best.”

There was some silence between them and Vincent got surprisingly serious for a moment. He often was one to joke around, especially when he tried to hide his true feelings. But whenever he dropped off Richard, he made sure to give him a proper goodbye. He didn’t want the possibly last thing he’d say to Richard be something stupid.   
“Hey, Richard...stay safe, okay? And don’t miss me too much.”  
He reached for Richard’s hand and gave it a soft squeeze. 

Richard put down his bag and gently pulled Vincent into a hug. Vincent closed his eyes and returned it with a deep sigh. Christ, he hated to admit it, but he’d miss that. Even if it was just for a couple days. He took in Richard’s smell for a last time, that feeling of being embraced by him. Both of them didn’t want to part, but in the end Richard had to catch his flight.  
Richard caressed Vincent’s cheek a last time and leaned down for a short kiss. Even at such a public place like the airport, Richard wouldn’t leave him without one.  
“You too, Vincent. I’ll call you once I’m in the hotel.”

After Richard picked up his bag again he finally walked towards the checkpoint.   
Vincent waited until he couldn’t see Richard anymore, and with slow steps he made his way to the exit.


	14. Feeding the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Vincent got engaged and struggle to decide on a wedding cake.

Vincent groaned and stretched himself on his tiny sofa.   
Since Richard’s proposal a couple weeks ago the two of them had tried to organize things for their wedding. Something that didn’t come naturally to either of them.

For Vincent, getting married had never been something that crossed his mind. Of course he had dreamt a little that one day he might meet a man he’d live the rest of his life with...but a wedding? Actually getting married? A ceremony and all that jazz? That was something Vincent never had imagined to happen. While he was excited for it, he also felt extremely overwhelmed.

Richard meanwhile had always thought his future wife would bring in her ideas and they’d simply discuss matters together. He actually had kind of hoped his wife had a clear vision already, he really wasn’t good with these things and overall mostly cared about having a good time. Besides, in the end Richard was happiest when his beloved was happy. He always imagined himself as the one who would make his wife’s dream wedding come true, not the one who actually had to pick a color scheme or look through catalogues. 

Now they were two men forced to come up with something for their wedding, and both of them weren't exactly the creative type to boot. Where to even start?   
In the end the two of them had ended up sitting in front of Vincent’s laptop and had looked up checklists because they didn’t know what else to do.  
“12 to 14 months of planning? Big Guy, we ain’t gonna wait over a year to marry, right?”

In the end they both had agreed on keeping it simple. Even if Richard had the means to pull off something completely ridiculous, they both weren’t interested in that at all. They only wanted to invite a couple people, have a nice ceremony in a cozy location and a lavish dinner afterwards. In the end they wanted to marry, not throw the greatest party the city had ever seen. Not to mention that both of them weren’t exactly thrilled to do all that planning and preparation work either.

Once they had agreed on that and had made a short list of things they’d need to take care of, things actually went pretty smoothly.   
They had already picked their outfits, had quickly found a location and date, even had decided on how it should be decorated. They had found a photographer and florist. Even the dinner and music was pretty much decided on.  
The only thing they still really struggled with was the cake. 

Both of them loved cake, but their taste couldn’t be more different. Vincent loved the sugary, chocolatey types that just completely overwhelmed you with their rich taste. Richard preferred the fruity, creamy ones that were a little more nuanced.   
The biggest issue though was just narrowing it down to one in the end. There were so many good bakeries around them, so many cakes and flavors they both liked. Richard couldn’t even remember anymore to how many cake tastings they had gone to in the last month, but he was sure he had gained a couple pounds since they had started this odyssey together. 

Now they were sitting on Vincent’s sofa together, groaning in agony.  
“Big Guy...if...I gotta eat one more cupcake I’m gonna burst.”  
“I didn’t expect them to all come in today.”  
Since both their schedules had been a little tight lately, they had decided to simply order tasting cupcakes from three different bakeries instead of visiting them in person. After going through their catalogues and pictures they had picked nearly twenty different types.  
Now, that wouldn’t have been an issue usually. They were two men with a sweet tooth, a couple cupcakes spread out over three days would have been fine for them. However, due a mistake they accidentally had ordered them all for the same date and in a way bigger size than anticipated.

At first, Vincent especially had been thrilled. When the second order suddenly showed up at his door he had just cheered. Eating cupcakes all day? Count him in!  
Once the doorbell rang for a third time though and Richard walked in with yet another box of cupcakes, Vincent had only stared at him in horror. They had already eaten nearly twelve full-sized cupcakes!

“I guess we could eat them tomorrow too, but now they are still fresh…”, Richard muttered while looking at the cupcakes standing in front of them.   
He felt so miserable and out of shape, and by now it was hard to distinguish the different flavors anymore.   
“You’re still going to love me when I’m old and fat, Big Guy?”  
“Pretty sure I’m going to be the fat one.”  
Vincent chuckled and slightly rolled onto his side. He leaned his head on Richard’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around his stomach.  
“Just more of you that’s there to love, huh?”  
Richard just replied by planting a kiss on Vincent’s forehead before he leaned forward with a groan. After this cake orgy he’d need to start hitting up the gym more regularly again.

“Alright, let’s give that one here a try.”  
He picked up one of the cupcakes and gently broke it in half while Vincent sat up straight next to him. They both were already so full, but it also was hard to stop. Besides, in the end both of them finally wanted to find the right one for their wedding.   
“Now open your mouth.”  
“Huh, wanting to practice for our wedding already?”, Vincent joked before he allowed Richard to feed him some of the cupcake.   
While he chewed on it Richard popped in the second half himself. 

“Gotta say Big Guy, think this one is my favorite so far...and I’m not saying that because I’m starting to feel a lil’ sick.”  
“Have to agree there, I liked this one the most of all of them.”  
Vincent leaned forward and pressed a short kiss on Richard’s lips. His hands were resting on Richard’s thighs, gently running them up and down in a soothing gesture.   
“How about we take this one then and just call it a day?”, he said with a smile and Richard nodded.  
God, they both were so tired and full, but at least they felt stuffed and gross together.


	15. Resting on the Other's Chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their wedding Vincent finally has some time to reflect.

A wedding was a stressful thing, even for two men who had opted to keep things simple and small. 

They had decided to sleep in their own apartments the day before and meet shortly before the ceremony. For Vincent that meant lying awake the whole night and struggling to stand up early in the morning, even more than usually.  
His colleague and best-man Lex had been so kind to help him, and he really needed the help. He was incredibly nervous and just running around his apartment aimlessly until it was finally time to shower and get dressed. 

Meanwhile Richard was a lot more focused. While he was getting dressed he was still on his phone, organizing things and answering questions any of the hired personnel might have. His sister mostly sat on his sofa and had a lot of fun taking pictures of her brother getting ready. For Richard, at least clothing-wise, this was nothing special. Vincent struggled a lot more putting on his suit, getting himself to look presentable and groomed. God, was he grateful for Lex. He helped him with the tie and made sure Vincent wouldn’t just smoke a pack in panic.  
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”, Lex said while he fixed Vincent’s tie for the third time. “And stop fidgeting with this.”

\--

Aside from this though, the wedding itself went smoothly. They both arrived on time, didn’t forget their speech, the rings were there, the food good. Now the two newly-weds were back in Richard’s apartment before they’d leave for their honeymoon the next day.

Vincent was lying in bed, exhausted from the long day and their first exciting night as husbands together. Everything was sore, but god had it been worth it.  
“Big Guy...you’re gonna have to carry me to the airport tomorrow, cause I doubt I’ll be walking again any time soon…”, Vincent whined while Richard came back from his shower.  
“Well, you insisted on the sex right after the wedding.”  
“As if you didn’t want it.”

Once Richard was finally lying next to Vincent again, Vincent shuffled towards him.  
He rested his head on Richard’s chest, holding onto his husband with a pleased sigh while Richard would caress his back. Once Vincent opened his eyes again he saw his hand lying on Richard’s chest, his wedding ring shimmering underneath the light. He still had to get used to that. He smiled once Richard reached for his hand and both their rings were next to each other. What a view.  
Vincent, overwhelmed a bit by this, buried his face in the curve of Richard’s neck.

“Are you alright?”, Richard whispered while kissing Vincent’s hair.  
“Yeah, it’s just...still a bit crazy to think about. I’m married. I got a husband. Me, of all people!”  
Vincent chuckled, and while he felt some melancholy in his heart it was greatly overwhelmed by his happiness.  
“Kinda wish I could tell younger me that things are going to be alright, you know?”

He closed his eyes again.  
Things were going to be alright.


	16. Kiss after a long time of being separated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Vincent ended up getting divorced but received a second chance years later.
> 
> This begins their post-divorce arc, where they meet again after years of separation and start dating again.

Things didn’t end up being alright.

A year into their marriage Richard had an accident in the hospital that not only affected his career but also the rest of his life. Richard lost sight in one eye, and with that his job as a surgeon. 

For Vincent that meant watching his husband spiral into depression, meant seeing Richard in a way he had never seen him before. His always so calm, supportive husband had turned into an angry, reclusive person. There were days they didn’t see each other, and if they did Richard was quiet and unresponsive. Vincent struggled hard but did his best to support Richard, and with time Richard finally managed to find a way to look forward to the future again.

However, things started to get grim for Vincent as well. He had grown more and more frustrated with his own job. The corruption, the increasingly growing feeling that he was being tricked and used by his bosses, feeling like he wasn’t making the difference he had hoped for - all of this seemed to pile up. And once he came home, he had his husband there with his own struggles. Seemingly meaningless things turned into fights, and no matter how hard both of them tried to better themselves, in the end it wasn’t enough.

Argument followed argument, and after another reminder that they were married and Vincent should act that part, he blurted out the words that would end everything:  
“Well maybe we should change that then!”

Vincent still remembered Richard’s expression. The shock, the pain and betrayal. But he didn’t fight it, and months later they were divorced. 

\--

Over three years had passed by since they had said goodbye to each other.  
Vincent had quit his job and was a private investigator now at day, and a bartender at night. Bills still need to be paid after all, and being a private investigator wasn’t exactly lucrative. 

During those years Vincent had met Samuel again, a man he had crossed paths with years ago. Vincent had just left the academy, a rookie that was still believing in making a difference. Samuel already back then was a criminal, but Vincent had thought he could change him for the better. Maybe he just needed the right person to guide him? Vincent had been naive enough to believe Samuel and soon enough had developed feelings for him. For Samuel though, Vincent was just a play thing he quickly grew bored of. In the end Samuel disappeared without a word, a night before Valentine’s Day, and had left behind a disillusioned Vincent. 

Samuel had broken his heart back then, but Vincent knew he was the only man that could help him with the case he was trying to crack. What started as a business proposal though, soon ended in an unhealthy relationship between two men that couldn’t be more different. But Vincent accepted it, like a sick form of punishment for what he had done to Richard and himself. There was no love, no affection, and Vincent told himself it was what he wanted and deserved.

Then Richard suddenly showed up again in his life.  
It was like in those kitschy movies Richard always loved to watch. The two of them meeting by accident in a cafe. A moment of shock where they stared at each other while the world seemingly came to a halt around them. Richard slowly approaching Vincent’s table. A soft “Hello, Vincent” uttered by him. Hours spent talking with each other, until Vincent had to leave to meet up with a client. He left his number for Richard, and soon afterwards they were exchanging messages again.

\--

For both of them it was difficult to wrap their head around.  
They both never had stopped loving the other, had always regretted how things had played out in the end. Even if the divorce couldn’t have been avoided, maybe they could have at least stayed friends. Maybe could have worked things out somehow.

Now they were back in each other’s life, and both struggled on how to proceed.  
Vincent couldn’t help but feel excited whenever Richard wrote him a message, whenever he visited him to eat dinner together and maybe watch a movie. It was like old friends spending time with each other.

For Richard it was like a dream come true again. The last years he had spent alone, grieving for the loss of his husband. So much guilt and regret, so much longing for a man he believed hated him. Now he was sitting with this very same man on a creaky sofa, they were laughing and enjoying each other’s presence again just like so many years ago. 

What started out as a stiff new beginning of a friendship soon turned into more. Lingering looks, careful touches, writing each other until deep into the night. Vincent was reminded of the time they had started to fall in love with each other, and Richard felt the same.  
Both were afraid of taking things too far though. What if the other didn’t feel the same?  
So they kept dancing around each other, until one night they ended up on Vincent’s sofa again.

“You know Vincent…”, Richard said while setting down his glass of wine, “I’m glad to have you back in my life. I missed this...and I missed you.”  
Vincent felt his throat tighten up, his heart skipping a beat. Big Guy still was good at pulling his heart strings just like that.  
“Yeah, missed you too...still kinda crazy we met again like that.”  
Vincent rubbed the back of his neck, like he always did when he didn’t know what to say. 

They both leaned back for a moment and let out a deep sigh. It was hard to look at the other, and instead they both just stared ahead in silence for some time.  
Vincent was the first to finally speak up.  
“I’m sorry, Richard...about back then, you know? Kinda wish that all had never happened.”  
He straightened out some creases on his pants, he didn’t want to see Richard’s expression.  
“Had hoped for years I would get a second chance. Could take back what I said and just...make it alright. I never wanted this for us.”  
Richard took a deep breath. Even for him it was difficult to stay calm now. Since they had met, their divorce had been a topic they had completely avoided. It was a sore spot, for the both of them.  
“I’m sorry as well, Vincent. I wasn’t exactly the best husband, and I regret all the times I wasn’t there for you. I only wanted you to be happy...wanted us to be happy.”

They both turned their heads to the sides, two melancholic men looking at each other with deep affection.  
For Vincent, Richard still was the most beautiful man he had ever met in his life. His graceful features, his graying hair, the gorgeous blue of his eyes. He loved him so much. No matter how hard he had tried, he had never stopped loving him. 

Richard knew he never had stopped loving Vincent, he hadn’t even tried to. Vincent had been the one for him. Richard had spent those years missing Vincent and longing for him. The moment he had seen him in the cafe, Richard had become aware again of how strongly he felt for Vincent. He still loved him with all his heart. 

He now slowly reached out to Vincent, caressed his cheek with the back of his hand like he always did back then. He watched Vincent close his eyes and lean into the touch.  
The sofa creaked again when they both started inching towards each other. They felt the other’s breath on their skin, got so close their lips nearly touched. They both wanted this so much. 

Seconds that felt like an eternity passed by until their lips finally met. It was a careful, nearly desperate kiss. They both had yearned for this for so long and were afraid of it ending too soon. They leaned into each other and closed whatever distance there still had been between them. Vincent let his hands rest on Richard’s chest in a careful attempt of exploring his body again, while Richard kept caressing his cheek. 

Vincent melted into Richard’s touch. No matter what he had tried to tell himself, had tried to accept with Samuel, in the end this was all he had ever wanted. Intimacy and love. Being with the man that meant the most to him in the world. 

\--

Hours later Vincent would wake up in the middle of the night. Richard was lying next to him, deep asleep. His face was softly illuminated by the moon shining in from outside.  
It was like a dream.

Vincent hoped that once he would wake up again the next morning, it would be a reality still as well.


	17. Hickeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Vincent are falling back in love with each other, acting like a couple that just started dating.

Once they had shared a night together, things seemed to have returned to how they had been long ago. They were affectionate and loving towards each other, playful even. It felt like they had just started dating. But in their case, they actually were ex-husbands that had found each other again after over three years of separation.

Both of them had changed during that time, especially visually as well. Vincent’s hair had grown out a bit, his beard was more unruly and he had lost weight. He looked even messier than he had before, and none of it had been by choice. In the end his life had gotten a lot messier as well since he had left Richard.

Richard however looked more rugged, something Vincent really had to get used to at first. For years he had watched Richard shave himself every morning, but now he was sporting a short beard that he’d trim once in a while. Back then, Vincent knew that was usually a bad sign. The only time he had seen Richard with even just a slight stubble, was shortly after his accident. During a time Richard had spent days at a time trapped up in his apartment, unwilling to talk or show himself to anyone.   
But now he had a nicely groomed beard, and Vincent loved it. 

Vincent would end up playing with Richard’s beard whenever they were making out. He’d hold Richard’s face in his hands, let his fingers run through the short hair while they were busy kissing.   
“Can’t get enough, hm?”, Richard muttered while Vincent scratched his cheeks a little with his fingers.  
“Gotta admit I love this look on you”, Vincent would whisper back before sealing Richard’s lips with a kiss again. “Just really suits you, you know? Makes you look a bit...wild.”  
“Wild, hm?”

Vincent had no chance to reply before Richard pushed him into the sheets and pinned him down. He felt Richard’s beard brush past his throat before Richard buried his teeth into Vincent’s skin. Vincent bucked and moaned while Richard sucked on his sensitive flesh.   
With an obscene, wet sound Richard let go of him again. He licked and kissed the bruise that started to form on Vincent’s skin while Vincent was still squirming underneath his grip with delight.   
“Christ, Big Guy…remind me to call you that more often.”


	18. "I'm Sorry" Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent tries to apologize to a hurting Richard.
> 
> This chapter is a bit different than the others, since it provides some needed context and a rough timeline for this part of their relationship. Chapters afterwards are all based on the conflict mentioned here. The actual prompt only comes at the end.

Their happy days seemed to be over sooner than expected.

Within only a couple days things suddenly had begun to fall apart, and it all had started with Vincent talking in his sleep.  
While he had been tossing and turning, Richard had heard him mutter the name "Samuel" repeatedly. Richard couldn't remember a man of that name, or that Vincent ever had talked about him before. When Richard dropped Samuel's name the next day and asked who he was, Vincent visibly tensed up in front of him.  
“He's just someone who works some cases with me.”  
Richard could tell something was off right away though. How shocked Vincent had appeared, how defensive he had been once he had realized that Richard didn't believe him. There clearly was more to this Samuel person than Vincent was willing to tell.

While Richard had accepted Vincent’s final answer in the end, it still had made him think.  
What were they actually? For Richard, the answer was clear. In his opinion they were back in a relationship. He loved Vincent, he was his boyfriend and he wanted to pick things up again where they had left off years ago. Once he sat down to ask Vincent about this though, Vincent didn’t seem to know how to answer that question.  
“We are...friends. Best friends! Nobody else I trust as much as I do you, Big Guy! You, uh, mean a lot to me and I'm really happy you're back in my life.”  
Vincent didn’t know what to say and kept making it worse the longer he went on talking. He wanted to tell Richard he loved him, that he meant everything to him, but instead Vincent just kept stammering about friendship and how much he trusted Richard. He watched Richard's expression get sadder and sadder the longer he talked, heard his own mind screaming at him to stop talking bullshit. However, Vincent couldn't stop and he couldn't tell Richard the truth either. Why was talking about his feelings so difficult?  
In the end, Richard only lowered his head and uttered a short reply:  
“I see.”

Usually this wouldn’t have meant the end for them.  
Vincent often struggled to be honest about his feelings, and Richard knew that. A couple days of Richard retreating, of Vincent trying his best to show his love and things would have been alright again. They would have talked about it, and Vincent would have admitted to panicking when Richard just put him on the spot like that. Of course he loved Richard! Of course he wanted to be his partner again! But Christ, Richard really couldn't just ask him that between a piece of toast and scrambled eggs.

This time though that didn’t seem to happen. No matter what Vincent tried, Richard seemed to completely block it off. He acted like a friend again, but even then it lacked that affection and intimacy Vincent was used to from him. Richard flinched away whenever Vincent came too close. He was friendly, but distant. Instead of meeting up nearly daily, Richard always found a reason why he wasn't available. Richard had taken Vincent’s words to heart, and nothing seemed to change his mind. Vincent didn’t know what to do anymore and soon started to grow frustrated with Richard. It seemed like whatever chance they had at rebuilding their relationship had been destroyed again already.

Unbeknownst to Vincent, Richard had seen something shortly after their “best friends” talk that had prevented any of Vincent’s gestures to reach him. Something that had shocked Richard so much, had made him truly believe Vincent only saw a friend in him, that nothing managed to change his mind.  
He had seen Samuel and Vincent kiss.

\--

A couple days after their unfortunate kitchen talk, Richard had been sitting on Vincent’s sofa again. Things had been a little awkward and stiff between them, but Vincent still hoped he could turn things around. Richard just needed some time, and likewise Vincent needed some time to finally be able to muster up the courage to talk about his feelings.

While they were watching a movie together, Vincent’s doorbell suddenly rang. Vincent at first had been confused about this. He never got any visitors, and he wasn’t expecting anything either. Once he had opened his door and saw his surprise visitor, his confusion changed to anger.  
Against his will, Samuel had shown up at his apartment. Vincent had never told him the address, but that didn’t matter anyway. Samuel at one point had probably just followed him home and now wanted to cause some trouble.

Once Richard had heard the door being slammed shut, he had stood up to look out of the window and watch the scene unfold in front of him.  
Samuel had realized this quickly. While Vincent was still busy chewing him out, he had watched Richard peak out between the curtains. For Samuel, that was just the perfect opportunity to cause some tension between Vincent and this other man. Without hesitation he had leaned forward and had crashed his lips against Vincent’s.

While Vincent pushed Samuel away and was busy screaming at him, Richard had already retreated back into the apartment. He had seen how Vincent had kissed another man. It all made sense to him now. Vincent had effectively friend-zoned him because there was someone else in his life. It broke Richard’s heart, but in the end he would respect Vincent’s decision and support him the best he could. He didn’t want to completely lose him again, even if being just friends was difficult.

\--

It took weeks of Vincent struggling until he realized why nothing seemed to work. Only by accident things finally had started to unravel though. Richard, in an attempt to be a better friend, had brought up Samuel one evening. He had wanted to support an increasingly frustrated Vincent by asking him about his new partner.  
Vincent had been confused at first but then finally understood what had happened. Why Richard had kept brushing him off, had seemed so confused about Vincent’s attempts to get closer to him and never had tried to talk about their relationship again.

In the end, Vincent finally explained what was the deal with him and Samuel. How he had met him years ago, who he was, and why they still were in touch. That it nowadays was strictly for business, and that he had never felt anything for Samuel.  
More importantly though he finally told Richard how he truly felt about him. How much he loved him, how much he had wished and begged for a second chance during those years of being divorced. How much he regretted reacting the way he did when Richard had asked him about their relationship. He wanted him in his life, more than anything.

Once they finally had talked about this, Richard opened up again towards Vincent and they went back to dating each other.  
However, unfortunately this wouldn’t have been the last time Samuel would have caused tension between them.

\--

With time Richard was forced to realize that Vincent’s new life and profession meant a huge change for him and their dynamic as well.  
Vincent was extremely secretive about what he was actually working on. Even after several months Richard still had no idea what exactly this infamous case entailed or if it even truly existed. Whenever Richard would try to talk about it, Vincent would brush him off. He'd lock his tiny office whenever Richard was there and absolutely refused to talk about what he had done since their divorce. On top Richard quickly became aware that Vincent was lying to him...a lot. And if he wasn’t outright lying, he was avoiding the truth as much as he could.

This also included Samuel. While Vincent kept claiming that he and Samuel only kept meeting for "business purposes", Richard had a very hard time believing that. Vincent's defensive attitude really didn't help much either.  
Richard wasn’t a jealous person, far from it actually. But he couldn’t help but worry whenever he realized the two had met up again, even more so when Vincent was lying about it. Samuel also was dangerous, at least in Richard's opinion. Even if he wouldn't have to worry about their relationship, he still would have to worry about Vincent's well being. He just wasn't someone Vincent should be in touch with at all.

The longer this went on, the more difficult it became for Richard to handle.  
He oftentimes would retreat, would end up feeling hurt and betrayed. His younger self would have handled the situation better, probably would have told Vincent right away he needed to stop meeting Samuel if his relationship meant anything to him. But he wasn't the same man anymore he had been years ago. The loss of his eye, the forced retirement and his divorce had done a great toll on his self-esteem. Instead of standing his ground, Richard now couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t good enough for Vincent, couldn’t give him what he wanted and needed. He knew Samuel was his type, and he knew that Vincent had done things with him Richard was unwilling to do. Richard never before had been in such a position. Knowing there was a rival to his love, knowing he had to face a fight he couldn't win with his usual resources. He felt helpless, for the first time in his life.

Vincent knew he was expecting quite a lot from Richard, but he couldn’t tell him the truth. He couldn’t risk Richard’s life like that.  
Vincent never had expected Richard to return, and as such Vincent had made the decision long ago to take on a case that might potentially kill him. He had been a man with nothing to lose. But then Richard showed up again, and with that something in Vincent's life that was worth protecting. Vincent cursed himself for being so egoistic at times. He wanted Richard back in his life, wanted to keep him by his side, but he also wanted to solve this case. He could tell that this decision was not only tearing apart him, but also Richard.

Richard wanted to trust and believe Vincent, and as such he tried his best to endure the situation and support his beloved. However, no matter how hard Richard tried, it was difficult to swallow down his worries.  
What was Vincent hiding from him?

\--

It had been one of those days again.  
Richard, who was quietly sitting on Vincent’s sofa after they had another argument about Vincent’s lying and secrecy. Since he had cooked dinner for them he had been sitting there, deep in thought. Vincent at first had given him time to calm down, but now it seemed like Richard needed something to help him get his mind off things. Whenever Richard was stuck in his thoughtful melancholy, Vincent would try his best to lift him up again. He'd show him how much he loved him, how much Richard meant to him. If he couldn't be honest about his case, he could at least be honest about his feelings. Richard deserved to at least feel loved for all he endured.

Vincent sat down next to Richard now and after some hesitation slowly reached out to him. He caressed Richard’s cheek and made him turn his head.  
“Hey, Big Guy…”, Vincent whispered before leaning forward.  
He rubbed their noses against each other and looked at Richard with a soft smile. Apologizing never had come easy to him, but he knew he owed Richard one. The man had the patience of a saint, and without him Vincent probably would have lost his sanity already. He loved him so much, and seeing Richard suffer was the last thing he wanted for him. It broke Vincent's heart, and he knew it was all his fault.

He leaned their foreheads against each other while holding Richard’s hand in his own. He rubbed his thumb over it, just like Richard always used to do.  
“Look, know I ain’t the best at this. But Christ, I know when I fucked up...and I really did, big time. I’m sorry, Richard.”  
He looked up again and was relieved when he saw Richard smile slightly. It was a tired, but affectionate smile. Richard knew how difficult this was for Vincent, and he appreciated the gesture.

Vincent returned the smile and sealed Richard’s lips with a soft, tender kiss. He felt Richard relax underneath his touch and slowly lean into it. Whatever Vincent had to do to protect Richard, he would do it. He just wished he wouldn’t have to hurt Richard so much in the process.


	19. Invisible Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent is bad at asking for and accepting help, but Richard got his ways to support him anyway.

Vincent was a very prideful man. Asking for help or accepting it had never been easy for him, and Richard knew that very well. No matter how many years they had known each other now, Vincent still would turn down any offer for support. It didn’t matter if it was money or something else Vincent struggled with, Richard had to take a step back and sit on his hands.

Because of that, Richard throughout the years had mastered the art of invisible support.  
As long as Vincent didn’t know what Richard was doing, Richard was able to help him behind his back. And if that wasn’t possible, he would at least do it in a way that both of them could easily pretend Vincent had helped himself. Of course Vincent often knew what Richard had done for him, but as long as he was able to save his face it was fine. Sometimes that was all Vincent wanted.

\--

Especially in this new chapter of their relationship Vincent seemed to have a lot on his plate. Richard couldn’t fix all of these issues for Vincent, but he could at least make it a bit easier for him to handle.

Money in particular was a big problem for Vincent after he had quit his old job.  
His private investigation gig didn’t exactly bring in a lot of money, and bartending barely covered his bills. Towards the end of the month Vincent was glad when he still had enough in his account for some spaghetti and ketchup.

Richard simply fixed that by coming over for dinner regularly. Whenever he did so, he would bring the ingredients to cook. And since he never knew what Vincent still had at home, he’d just bring everything that might be needed.  
“Wasn’t so sure if you’d prefer spaghetti or penne, so I got both”, Richard would say while unpacking his bag.  
“I also got some other stuff, thought that would be fair considering I’m here all the time and use up your stock.”  
Vincent knew what Richard was doing, but he accepted it with a rub of his neck.  
“Hey, thanks Big Guy...for cooking, I mean.”

Food wasn’t the only thing Vincent struggled to pay for though. Money was notoriously tight for him on all fronts. Getting sick, having to fix something on his car, needing new clothes? All things Vincent had to pray for not to happen.  
“Can’t put a price on your dignity…”, he’d mutter while adding some tape to the sole of his worn down shoes.  
In the end everything was better than working for his old employer.

Whenever Richard had the chance, he would hide money for Vincent to find.  
Twenty bucks tucked away in a pair of pants Vincent could pull out of the laundry basket for example. Some change scattered around the apartment for him to find while cleaning up. Richard always managed to give Vincent some in time of need. As soon as he had found out about Vincent’s secret money saving jar for emergencies, Richard had started to regularly add small amounts to it as well. He had to make sure it wasn’t too much though, he knew Vincent wouldn’t approve of any of this. Money was a very sensitive topic for him.

Money wasn’t the only thing Richard tried to help Vincent with though.  
Richard would clean up the apartment regularly, claiming he was just cleaning up after his own mess. He’d prepare and freeze dinners for Vincent whenever he knew they wouldn’t be able to see each other for some time. Usually Richard just made sure to cook way too much beforehand and then pretend it was an accident.  
“Guess you got some leftovers.”

\--

Sometimes all Richard could do for Vincent though was to simply leave him alone a bit. Vincent was extremely secretive about the case he was working on, and having Richard around all the time sometimes added to the stress. He loved Richard, but once in a while all he wanted was to lock himself up in his office and go through his notes. Whenever Richard felt this was the case, he would come up with a reason why he couldn’t visit Vincent for some time.  
“I have to prepare a couple things for my students, I’m afraid I will be very busy the next few days.”

He’d give Vincent the space he needed, and on top would order him a pizza late at night to make sure Vincent would actually eat something. He knew only the doorbell would manage to actually get Vincent to leave his office for a bit. Once Vincent was working he often completely lost track of time. No amount of frozen dinners could help a man that simply forgot to eat.

While Vincent would lie on the sofa, a piece of surprise pizza in hand, he’d write Richard a message:  
 _hey big guy_  
 _thanks for the pizza_  
 _dont deserve you_

Richard would read the message with a smile before he’d set aside his phone. He wished he could do more for Vincent, but at least he could make his life a little easier.


	20. Apologetic Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two man who struggle handling their emotions, and Vincent finding ways to apologize without saying "Sorry".

Both Richard and Vincent had a hard time handling their emotions.   
Especially in the time leading up to their divorce they clashed a lot, and usually it was because of how differently they managed their frustrations and pain.

Vincent was the explosive type. He’d cry, he’d scream, he would storm up towards Richard and jam his finger into his chest. Richard always knew how Vincent felt, because Vincent never tried to hide his anger or pain. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. When something pissed him off, he’d let Richard know one way or another. 

Richard however was exactly the opposite. He was the type who swallowed his feelings. He’d endure them with a stone-faced expression, and even when he was alone he wouldn’t really let them out. He never cried, rarely got loud or even talked about what bothered him. If he talked about it, he did so with a calm voice and like he was observing his own emotions from outside. For him it never was about him, but only about the situation at hand.  
Richard was always controlled. 

This wasn’t exactly by choice though. Since his early childhood days Richard had been forced to keep himself and his emotions in check. Sometimes, that was useful. Considering his profession and the cutthroat people he was surrounded by all the time, it probably was for the best to never show any kind of weakness. He simply couldn’t afford being perceived as weak, or to risk losing his cool when the life of someone else was at stake.   
For their relationship this was less than ideal though.

Vincent hated how controlled Richard was all the time. Watching him stay so calm while Vincent was losing it just made Vincent even angrier. It felt like Richard thought he was better than him, the always so emotional Vincent. Look at him, keeping himself in check while Vincent was letting his emotions control him! On top, it made Vincent think that Richard didn’t care. Nothing ever seemed to affect him. 

Richard did show great care for Vincent’s sorrows though. While he had an extremely hard time seeing Vincent cry, he was otherwise fully there for him. He’d hold Vincent in his arms, try to listen to his worries or provide him with any support he might need. He was very finely attuned to any changes in Vincent’s mood, and whenever he felt Vincent needed help he was there for him. And when Vincent got angry, he’d allow him to voice his frustration. 

Richard was the immovable object to Vincent’s unstoppable force. Sometimes, that wasn’t too bad. Without Richard’s ability to endure Vincent’s moods so well they probably would have clashed even worse. Knowing Vincent had a rock to lean on also gave him a great sense of security. And while Richard wasn’t very in touch with his own emotions, he was great at knowing how others felt and how to help them.

Vincent however never really knew how Richard felt, and he struggled helping him once he became aware of Richard’s pain. How does someone help a man that denied he was in pain or always hid how he felt? The time leading up to their divorce was especially difficult for Vincent because of that. He had realized too late that Richard had been hurting too, that he wasn’t as unaffected as he might have seemed the whole time. Vincent still remembered walking into the bedroom after one of their fights and seeing a hunched down Richard on the bed. His face buried in his hands he was sitting there, breathing deeply in and out in a desperate attempt to calm down again. During their fight just minutes earlier Richard had seemed as controlled as always, but now it was clear that the whole thing greatly affected him as well. Vincent had quietly left the room again before Richard had become aware of him, but that image still haunted him even after all that time. 

\--

Now, years later, things hadn’t changed much yet on that front.   
Richard still had a hard time talking about his feelings, and Vincent often had to remind himself that Richard too could feel pain. Even if Richard would appear fine he often wasn’t, and mocking him for his inability to show his feelings wasn’t exactly helpful either.

Early on both of them had realized though that they had to break out of their patterns. A lack of communication had already tore them apart once, and both of them didn’t want to repeat that. After their first arguments they both decided to change something. 

Richard had to talk about his feelings and allow Vincent to know when he was in pain.   
This wasn’t exactly easy for Richard, but he tried his best. He didn’t want to lose Vincent again, and he also was tired of swallowing down his feelings. He had spent most of his life hiding his pain and worries, he couldn’t do this any longer. It still sometimes took him days though to speak up, and once he did so he often felt ashamed. Both for his feelings and for talking about them.

Meanwhile Vincent had to remind himself that he wasn’t the only one hurting between them. When Richard appeared thoughtful and distant, he’d try his best to be there for him. He’d actively approach Richard and ask about his feelings or whether something was bothering him. When Vincent knew he had done something wrong he’d try to make up for it. Vincent always had been the type to show his love through gestures, not words, and now he was making use of that as much as he could. He’d try to cook for Richard, get him little gifts, invite him to things Vincent knew he liked or be very physical with him. 

Richard allowed himself to be more vulnerable, and Vincent in turn tried his hardest to show Richard how much he cared for him.

\--

Another thing that Vincent heavily struggled with, was apologizing. While he’d admit to having “fucked up”, he rarely if ever actually said he was sorry. He would show honest regret and remorse, but an actual apology still rarely came over his lips. Vincent himself didn’t even know why that was so hard for him, but even acknowledging it didn’t change much. 

Vincent however didn’t want Richard to feel any longer like he was taking him for granted. And since Vincent couldn’t say that he was sorry, he once again would try his best to simply show Richard how he felt. 

When shortly afterwards Vincent had found himself in such a situation again, he watched at first how Richard slowly left the room. Richard often did that after a fight. He’d retreat for a bit to allow himself to express his emotions while nobody could see him. Afterwards he’d return, calm as always. Vincent knew him well enough to know what was going on, but he also knew it was too early to talk about what had just happened.

Instead he slowly approached Richard and gently wrapped his arms around him for a hug. He looked up to Richard, who looked back at him with a defeated expression. Even if Vincent could only see one of Richard’s eyes, he could tell that he was hurting.   
“Hey Big Guy…”, Vincent softly said before leaning his head on Richard’s shoulder.   
He rubbed Richard’s back and slightly swayed him from side to side in a soothing manner.   
After some time Richard raised his arms and returned the hug.   
He buried his face in Vincent’s hair and for once allowed Vincent to be the one to hold him.


	21. Angry Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent explores an abandoned building for his big case and barely makes it out again. Richard is angry once he returns, but relieved he's alive.

Vincent should have known better than to enter an abandoned building late at night. The whole area wasn’t exactly known for being safe, but Vincent knew that during daytime he probably had too many eyes on him to enter undisturbed. Besides, he wanted to know if Samuel’s newest intel was actually useful. Not everything he had gotten from him in the past had actually helped with the case at hand. No surprise, considering the kind of people Samuel got his information from. Sources that were less than reliable, but the only sources Vincent had in the end. 

Once he had entered the building, the musky smell of mold, rat shit and decay had hit Vincent like a truck. He coughed and heaved but still ventured further, trying his best to cover his face with one of his sleeves. Nothing new anymore after all that time, but he never had gotten used to that smell. Vincent shined down ransacked hallways and destroyed offices with his flashlight, stepped over dead rats and whatever had been left behind by the homeless. Carefully he walked deeper into the building, unaware that he was being watched. 

It all had happened so fast. Before Vincent even had a chance to react he was tackled to the ground by a large figure. The air seemed to have forcefully been punched out of his body, and with a groan Vincent tried to get some space between himself and the attacker. His head was spinning from the impact and his eyes only slowly managed to focus again. 

Vincent let out a shocked gasp when he finally recognized the person in front of him. He was one of the missing people, a person he had tried to find for a client. A middle aged man who had suddenly disappeared one day. There seemed nothing left though of the loving husband and family man his wife had described towards Vincent. His face was contorted, like a rabid animal ready to bury its teeth in your flesh. The wild, unhinged expression burned itself deep into Vincent’s mind. He never had seen something like that before. Vincent scanned the man for a sign, anything that could help to find the source for his behavior, when he saw a bruise on the side of his neck. Vincent barely had time to sort his thoughts though before the man jumped forward and tried to attack him again. 

\--

In the end, Vincent had managed to escape, but not without a couple bruises of his own and a hit to the head. He barely made it to his car before he fell unconscious. 

Hours late he entered his apartment with slow steps. His head still hurt, and the images of the last night still ghosted around his inner eye. He had so many questions, and so little answers. Before he was even able to take off his jacket though he heard loud steps storming towards him.  
“Where have you been?!”

Richard was standing in front of him, his expression and stance for once unusually emotional. Right, he had told Richard he’d meet up with him after work.  
“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for hours now!”, Richard kept screaming at him.  
Vincent couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, he had seen Richard that riled up. For once Richard wasn’t trying to control himself. He was standing at full height, towering over Vincent with clenched fists. 

Vincent watched his mouth move, watched Richard gesticulate like he was in trance. Vincent only heard bits of what Richard said. He was tired and his head still felt like it was wrapped in cotton.   
“Not answering any messages...waited here the whole night...what do you think are you doing...what happened to your clothes...is that blood?!”

Richard grabbed his shoulders now and mustered his face with a concerned expression.  
Before Vincent could say something though Richard already pulled him into a tight hug. Vincent slowly closed his eyes and leaned into the embrace. He was so exhausted, but lying in Richard’s arms helped him to feel better already. He groaned in protest when Richard pushed him away again and went back to looking at his face.

A moment later, Richard pressed his lips onto Vincent’s.   
The kiss was short, hard, desperate. No matter how angry Richard was, in the end he was relieved that Vincent was alive and well. Richard’s anger could wait for later, now he had to take care of Vincent.   
“Come with me, I’ll have a look at your wounds.”


	22. Tending Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent tries his best to hide an injury from Richard, without much success.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck”, Vincent cursed while applying make-up onto his face.  
He couldn’t believe he was even doing this. Carefully he dabbed on the creamy paste, hissing whenever the pressure was too much on his sensitive skin. He cursed even more when he realized it barely helped and looked extremely obvious to boot. The colorful bruise that was forming around his eye was still visible, and now it was clear he had tried to cover it up as well.

Since his last excursion into an abandoned building had ended so badly, Vincent now had to hide even more whenever he went out for one of his trips. Of course that didn’t always work so well. Whenever he ended up in a scuffle again or somehow acquired an injury on his trips, Vincent knew Richard sooner or later would find out. Richard wasn’t stupid, and Vincent could only hide his body so much from the man he loved. And whenever Richard found out, they usually ended up fighting.

Vincent still remembered their last argument all too well.  
Richard’s anger and desperation, how he had scolded Vincent not only for endangering himself but also keeping it a secret from Richard.  
“One day you might not return, did you ever think about that?!”  
Of course he had thought about that, more than once. Richard, left behind and forced to ask himself every day what had happened to Vincent. A mental image that tortured Vincent whenever he spent too much time thinking about it. Vincent didn’t want this for him, but he also couldn’t stop. He had put too much into this case already to just drop it.

So he did the only thing Vincent thought he could do, namely hide it from Richard so he wouldn’t worry too much. Vincent didn’t want to endanger his life, and he didn’t want Richard to be concerned either. Vincent would handle this on his own, and afterwards they could focus on each other again. Until then he’d try to fight this battle alone. 

At least, that’s how Vincent had hoped things would play out for him and them.

\--

In reality, it of course didn’t work out like that.  
Vincent was painfully aware of that again once he had made the decision to enter a store to buy make-up. What the hell was he even doing? As if Richard wouldn’t know right away what was going on! But Vincent was desperate, he didn’t want them to fight again or explain himself. 

“What a fucking idiot you are, de Luca…”, he muttered to himself while walking up and down the rows of different products.  
He never had bought make-up before, nor did he know what was the right stuff for the job.  
In the end he just grabbed a couple tubs and creams that looked like they could work and carried them to the cashier. The young woman looked at him with raised eyebrows, and Vincent returned her questioning expression with an awkward smile on his bruised face. 

Now he was sitting in his car, checking himself in the mirror for a last time.  
“Alright, let’s hope the Big Guy can’t see that well anymore with just one eye…”

Unfortunately Richard wasn’t blind enough to be fooled by Vincent’s attempt.  
Once Vincent had entered the apartment and Richard had greeted him with a kiss, Vincent knew he had been caught. When they parted Richard tilted his head a little, like he had just realized something was off about Vincent’s face.  
Vincent had tried his best to appear energetic and chatty, but Richard wasn’t fooled.  
He grabbed Vincent’s chin gently and then rubbed his thumb over the barely covered up bruise.

“Hey, hey, what’cha doing there, Big Guy?”  
He watched how Richard’s thoughtful expression slowly turned dark as soon as Richard saw what was hidden underneath Vincent’s lousy cover-up job.  
“Take off your clothes.”  
“Aw come on, not even some dinner beforehand? Let’s fi-”, Vincent said with faked confidence, but Richard just looked at him with pursed lips.  
“Take off your clothes.”

They stared at each other for a couple painfully slow seconds, until Vincent let out a defeated sigh and removed his jacket and shirt.  
“Look…”, he started but Richard didn’t even let him finish.  
“Come with me.”

By now Richard tending Vincent’s wounds had become a regular occurrence, and Vincent felt horrible about that. So much for hiding this all from the Big Guy and handling it alone.  
He sat down on the sofa while Richard went off to get a wet washcloth and the emergency kit. Vincent watched him return, and from his jaw he could tell Richard was pressing his teeth. He always did that when he was angry. 

No matter how angry he was though, he still was incredibly gentle with Vincent. He carefully wiped away the make-up and inspected Vincent’s body afterwards for any other injuries. His large hands tenderly wandered from bruise to bruise, cleaned up any wounds he could find and helped dressing them up. Richard didn’t ask what had happened, and Vincent was grateful for that. He didn’t know what to say anyway.

Richard remained silent the whole time he treated Vincent. His face was completely stiff until at one point his expression slowly changed. He looked sad and exhausted, like all his anger had suddenly been replaced by worry and pain.  
“I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, Vincent. But I wish you would at least allow me to help you”, he said with a calm voice.  
He avoided looking at Vincent’s face while he took off his gloves.  
“I know we are not married anymore, but I still worry about you.”  
Richard stood up and started cleaning everything around them while Vincent sat there with slumped shoulders. 

Richard of course wasn’t happy about Vincent’s reckless behavior. If he could, he’d force him to stop. But in the end Richard knew that Vincent was a grown man who could do whatever he wanted. All Richard wished for in the end was to at least be a part of that, and support Vincent wherever he could. He hated feeling like a bystander. He hated the lies, the secrecy and being unable to help his beloved. He couldn’t stop Vincent, but he could at least help him...if only Vincent trusted him enough.

Richard went back to the kitchen once he had cleaned everything up. He had started preparing their dinner shortly before he got interrupted by Vincent and his injuries. A half cut tomato was lying on a board, and the noodle water was by now more than ready for the pasta. Richard reached for the knife with a somber expression. In the end he just had to keep going.

Vincent meanwhile had followed him with slow steps. He watched how Richard leaned onto the counter for a moment and took a deep breath. It broke his heart to see Richard like that. Exhausted, defeated, hurt. He wished he could change something about it, lift him up a little at least. Before Richard could go back to cooking, Vincent gently embraced him from behind. His arms snaked around Richard’s waist and he rested his head on Richard’s shoulder.

They didn’t talk, words wouldn’t have helped anyway.  
For now they were just two hurting men who didn’t know what to do.


	23. “We can never be together” Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard thinks about their future, but Vincent doesn't seem to agree with his plans.

Richard was the type to plan his future.  
For a long time, other people took care of that for him. They had decided who he would become long before he was even born. Later, they kept trying to shape his life as much as possible and Richard played his part.

The first thing Richard ever truly did for himself, was to reject his role as his father’s heir and to become a surgeon instead. For the first time in his life, he had been far away from his family. Had met other people, had been confronted with other ideas and opinions.   
Later he rejected marrying a woman they had picked for him. Richard was tired of their games, and he was tired of being pushed around to fulfill someone else’s plan for him.  
Nobody would ever tell him again what to do with his life, who to love and who to spend his time with.

Despite all this though, Richard still preferred to have an idea of how his future should look like. Granted most of his early dreams had been shattered by now. He’d never have kids, and after his accident he would never work as a surgeon again either. He was in his early 50s, and even he slowly started to feel the signs of aging. Since life hadn’t gone the way he had always thought it would, it now was time to come up with a new plan. A new goal to work towards.

For him, that plan included Vincent. The longer they had been back together again, the more Richard had started thinking again about a possible future together. It was the same dream he once had when they were still happily married. Living in a quiet, cozy city together. Traveling the world. Maybe a dog or two. Just enjoying life to the fullest, with the man he loved by his side.

Unfortunately Richard wasn’t entirely sure what Vincent had planned for his own future, if he even had planned anything. Considering that Vincent seemed to have decided to risk his life by chasing a ghost, Richard doubted he had any plans at all. Vincent once had mentioned how he had lived life on the edge since their divorce and hadn’t cared about what would happen to him. He had lost everything already, so he could afford taking a risk. But now Vincent wasn’t alone anymore. Richard was back, and with him something worth living for.   
And yet, Richard wasn’t so sure if Vincent included him in whatever plan for his future he might have. 

Once their relationship had stabilized, had turned into something akin to what they had shared years ago, Richard couldn’t help but think.  
Would Vincent want to marry again? Richard would, maybe after some time had passed by, but he certainly would. He caught himself sometimes thinking about wearing his old wedding ring again already. Who said they had to go through all that paperwork again?  
Would Vincent like to live with him finally? Back then they had kept their own apartments. Even if Richard had spent a lot of time at Vincent’s place they technically never really had lived together. They had thought about it, but in the end it had been more useful and comfortable for both of them to keep their apartments. Richard would love to change this one day, but would Vincent want to give up his freedom?  
Would Vincent even be interested in sharing a future with Richard? Maybe he didn’t even want to stay together forever. Maybe he simply didn’t think ahead that far.

However, no matter how much time Richard spent thinking about this, he never found an answer.  
At the end of the day, only Vincent knew what he truly wanted.

\--

They had been sitting on the sofa together for a while already. Vincent’s head was leaning on Richard’s shoulder, and once in a while Richard would kiss his hair before looking back to the TV. His hand searched for Vincent’s and gently held it in his own. He rubbed his thumb over the spot where Vincent always wore his ring back then. Instead of a smooth piece of metal there was just soft skin though. Nothing hinted at the existence of their old ties, not even a small indent. It had been too long since he had taken it off. 

Richard took a deep breath and Vincent turned his head.  
“You alright, Big Guy? Been so quiet already the whole night.”  
Richard looked at their hands, looked at the finger he once had put a ring on many years ago.  
“I’ve been thinking, Vincent...would you like to marry again one day? Or maybe just wear our old rings again?”  
He felt Vincent tense up in his arm before Vincent slowly moved away from him.  
“Christ, Richard...that’s...that’s quite the question to ask all of a sudden”, Vincent muttered while rubbing his neck.

Of course he had been thinking about it too. Had been thinking about picking up the pieces again, marry, live that kitschy life he had always wished for when he was still a teenager. But whenever Vincent had tried to allow himself to indulge in that fantasy again, it had immediately been followed up by gruesome images.  
Vincent knew what kind of powers he was fighting against, and he doubted that they’d shy away from hurting the man he loved the most. Even something as simple as wearing their old rings could be a risk. Hell, he probably already had gambled away Richard’s life just by allowing them to start dating again. He couldn’t push whatever little luck he had any further. 

He slowly looked at Richard, who was looking back at him with a defeated expression. Vincent could tell that Richard knew the answer already.   
“Look, Richard…”, Vincent said while shuffling closer to him again, “...you...you mean everything to me. But...we can never be together like that again.”  
Vincent hated himself for speaking out these words aloud. He hated himself for watching how Richard lowered his head and with a low voice said “I see”. Vincent knew what that meant. It was Richard’s code for “I am hurt, but I won’t ask any further”.   
It broke his heart to see Richard like that. Vincent wished he could tell him the truth. That he wanted all this too, wanted to marry again and be together with Richard for the rest of his life.  
But for Richard’s safety he had to lie, to Richard and to himself. 

Vincent carefully reached out to Richard’s face now and made him look up again. Their eyes met, and Vincent felt his throat tighten. How much he wished this could be easier, for the both of them. He slowly leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on Richard’s lips. He rubbed their noses against each other before he pulled Richard into a tight hug.  
He just hoped that one day, he could finally speak the truth.


	24. Cooking for the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard is a decent cook, Vincent...not so much.

One tradition between them was that Richard would cook their meals.   
In the morning Vincent would usually wake up to some scrambled eggs, and in the evening Richard would try to come up with a healthy dinner for them. Vincent probably never ate as good in his life like he did when he was with Richard. Richard was a decent cook, and he found genuine enjoyment in it as well. It wasn’t difficult for Vincent to let Richard take care of their meals. Richard had fun, and Vincent got to eat some good food for once.

Vincent however was a pretty lousy cook. He not only was bad at it, he also was pretty lazy on top. When he was single, he’d usually live off frozen pizzas, takeout and anything one could toss into a microwave. He was a notorious snacker as well. A muffin for breakfast, a donut for lunch, some cup noodles for dinner, a handful of dry cereal in between. Eating was just something he did because he had to, and cooking was not only stressful but also required too much effort. 

Richard was amazed at times that Vincent was not only thin, but also was not showing any acute signs of nutritional deficiencies. The only vegetables he ever got to see were lying on top of a burger, and his fruit intake was probably reduced to cocktail garnishing. Richard meanwhile felt like he gained weight as soon as he allowed himself a piece of cake.

\--

Even though Vincent was glad he could leave the kitchen to Richard, he once in a while would put in the effort to cook for the two of them. Unfortunately the reason for that was usually a fight or Richard being stuck in one of his melancholic ruts again. Sadly that was once again the case, and Vincent knew it was entirely his fault. Unable to simply apologize or talk things out though, Vincent decided he’d just show how much he loved Richard by cooking him a nice meal. After all, love goes through the stomach, right? 

“Not so sure he’s still gonna love me after this though…”, Vincent muttered to himself while browsing through some recipes he had found online.   
Following a recipe shouldn’t be too hard, but somehow Vincent always managed to make a huge mess out of it. He’d lose focus or was just too impatient for his own good, and sooner or later it would end with him cursing and running around the kitchen.   
Big Guy always made it look so easy!

“Vincent, I’m home…”, Richard’s voice suddenly came from the apartment door.   
“Fuck...oh hey, Big Guy! I’m in the kitchen!”, Vincent replied while he tried to take care of three things at once.   
Why was Richard already home? It really couldn’t be that late already! Vincent looked at his phone and cursed again when he realized it was indeed that late already. Somehow he had completely lost track of time while he had tried to conjure something edible for them. 

“Do you need any help?”  
Vincent looked over his shoulder with an awkward, slightly panicked smile. There was Richard, standing in the door frame with a surprised expression. It wasn’t every day he got to see Vincent cooking.   
“Nooo, noo, ‘s all good. Just, huh, get out the plates already, would ya? Dinner’s nearly done.”  
Richard looked around the kitchen and couldn’t help but smile a little when he saw the mess. Vincent too looked like he had wrestled with their dinner. There was sauce on his shirt and Richard was pretty sure the three bandaids on his fingers weren’t there yet in the morning.  
“I guess it’s not going so well?”, Richard now said while walking towards the stove.   
Vincent groaned.  
“Bit of an understatement, Big Guy.”

While Vincent tried his best to pour out the pasta water, Richard gently pushed him aside to keep an eye on the other pans and pots. He stirred them, reduced the heat where needed and started plating some of the food already.  
“Shhh, get out of here!”, Vincent shooed him once he returned with the pot full of pasta.   
Richard chuckled and pressed a kiss on Vincent’s cheek before he finally left the kitchen, a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand. 

Shortly afterwards Vincent followed and with a wide grin he put down the plate in front of Richard.  
“Hope you like some Chicken Alfredo, Big Guy.”  
He puffed up his chest while he explained to Richard what exactly he had cooked for them, and Richard could tell that Vincent was pretty proud of himself.   
“Also, hope you still got some space left for a surprise dessert!”, Vincent ended his long-winded explanation  
“May I eat now?”, Richard asked with a smile and Vincent eagerly nodded.   
He sat down next to Richard and together they took their first bite. 

“Hey, this ain’t too bad!”, Vincent cheered while digging into the creamy pasta again.   
This was probably the first time he had managed to cook something for them that wasn’t just decent but actually good. He nervously looked over to Richard and watched him eat with his usual gracefulness.   
“So, uh, you like it too?”, Vincent finally asked between two bites.   
Richard took his sweet time to reply. He hummed, dipped some bread in the sauce and took a bite of it with a pleased expression. Richard’s warm, gentle smile when he finally turned to him made Vincent’s heart skip a beat for a moment. Stupid Big Guy always knew how to make him blush.   
“It’s very good, thank you Vincent. Maybe you want to try and cook more often now?”, Richard said with a playful wink.   
“Hell no!”


	25. Sad Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent can't take it any longer and confronts Richard about feeling torn apart between his love and duty.

With time Vincent felt more and more like he was being torn apart between two things: his love for Richard, and his desire to finally solve this case he had been working on for years now. 

Every day felt like a new challenge to him. His daily obligations, trying to find time for himself and Richard, working on the case. Vincent had tried too hard not to cut any corners and now was starting to suffer the consequences. Maybe it would have been possible if things would have gone well at least. In reality though these two worlds, his domestic life with Richard and his profession as private investigator, were completely at odds with each other. 

Vincent himself was guilty of making things worse too.   
His recklessness, his secrecy, the constant lies...all things Vincent couldn’t avoid if he wanted to keep Richard safe, but things that kept driving a wedge between them as well. Vincent wished he could be honest with Richard, if just alone to keep Richard from questioning him or falling into yet another of his melancholic ruts. He only could stomach so many arguments and so many days spent with a stone-faced Richard. 

His relationship with Richard gave Vincent a lot of strength, but it also was a great source of frustration for him. It was a constant up and down. Samuel alone caused a lot of tension between them, and Vincent knew Samuel was fueling the flames wherever he could as well. It was one of his little games, something he did for his own amusement. He loved pitting people against each other. He’d get close to Vincent when he knew Richard was watching, would touch Vincent to leave behind his scent for Richard to smell, or even approach Richard on the street directly. Samuel putting in an effort wasn’t even needed though. His existence and Vincent regularly meeting him was already enough to make Richard feel uncomfortable. 

Vincent knew it wasn’t Richard’s fault.   
He had a good reason to feel the way he did and to doubt Vincent. Vincent couldn’t and didn’t blame him. Hell, Vincent didn’t want to know how he would have reacted in Richard’s place. He wouldn’t have accepted someone like Samuel to be there. The jealousy alone would have probably eaten him up, and he would have handled it a lot less gracefully than Richard did. By now he would have told Richard to fuck himself or get his shit together. He wouldn’t have given Richard chance after chance to prove his love or to prove that things were not like they might seem at first glance. He wouldn’t have accepted the constant lies or secrecy.   
Meanwhile Richard grit his teeth and did his best to support Vincent. No matter how hard Richard tried to hide it though, it was obvious he wasn’t happy about it. 

Vincent had thought at first he could handle it. He just needed to show Richard how much he loved him and Richard would be fine. Take him out for dates, cook for him, tell him how much he adored and appreciated him. One day Richard would be able to understand him, until then Vincent would just have to work hard to gain his trust and lift him up when needed.   
Maybe he could make up for his own shortcomings that way too. Sure, he was still regularly risking his life, and Samuel was also still there, but damn it! He could do this! Besides, Richard deserved all that and more. He deserved the kind gestures, the loving words and Vincent’s attention. Vincent had regretted not showing his gratitude more back when they were still married, and he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.   
Vincent wanted to be there for Richard, but he also wanted Richard to believe him. 

\--

The longer this went on, the more Vincent was starting to feel hopeless and exhausted. Whatever he tried to do, nothing seemed to work. They still fought and Richard still kept retreating, kept questioning Vincent and his love for him. While he did so mostly silently by now, Vincent still could tell it was happening. He could tell by the way Richard looked when he thought Vincent wasn’t watching. It was the smile that didn’t reach Richard’s eye. It was him shaking his head in defeat whenever he realized Vincent was avoiding the truth again. It was countless nights of coming home and seeing Richard sitting on the sofa in silence.   
It felt like a fight he was bound to lose. 

One night, Vincent cracked.  
All that pent up frustration, the fear of losing Richard, the exhaustion and stress seemed to suddenly burst out of him.   
“Christ Richard, what do you want from me?!”, he finally blurted out during one of their arguments.  
Vincent couldn’t even remember anymore why they had started fighting again, but it didn’t even matter. All he knew was that he couldn’t take it any longer.  
“I'm trying my best, okay?! Christ, I'm trying! But it’s of no fucking use because you don’t trust me anymore anyway!”

Richard watched how tears started to dwell up in Vincent’s eyes. Instead of saying something though he just stared back at Vincent in shock. His clenched fists, the way his face distorted with pain and anger, how he tried to desperately wipe away his tears...all that was too much for Richard. Seeing men cry had always made him uncomfortable, seeing Vincent cry was even worse. Even after all those years it still disturbed him greatly and left him completely paralyzed. 

“I just...fuck, I just want you to believe me, okay?!”, Vincent went on with a cracked voice. “I know it looks bad. Fuck, I know! But I thought you of all people would understand me! I wanted to do something for once that mattered, and then you came around and I...I...fuck!”  
Vincent buried his hands in his hair for a moment and pressed his eyes close. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want Richard to see him like that. He took a couple deep breaths before he went on talking.  
“I thought I could do this, alright? Keep working on that godforsaken case and have you in my life too. But it’s...it’s of no use.”  
He opened his eyes again and looked at Richard with a pleading expression.  
“Please, Richard...I can’t do this any longer…”, Vincent said before he broke down again.  
He couldn’t hold back those tears anymore.

Richard now watched Vincent cry out in pain, watched how his body convulsed with every sob. He knew he had to do something, had to push through his discomfort. Vincent needed him.   
He approached Vincent with careful steps, and after some hesitation slowly reached out to him as well. When Vincent didn’t push him away, Richard embraced him in a tender hug.   
He felt how Vincent leaned against him, felt Vincent’s body tremble in his arms while Vincent would cry against his chest.   
“I’m...I’m so tired, Richard…I’m so goddamn tired...”, Vincent muttered while Richard rubbed his back.  
He still didn’t know what to say.

After some time Vincent stopped crying. He still was leaning against Richard’s chest, sniffing and breathing heavily, but at least the violent sobbing had come to a halt.   
He looked up to Richard with swollen eyes now and Richard wiped away some last tears off his face.   
“It’s just...it’s all so much. I want you, but I also want to see this through and...and…”, Vincent nearly broke out in tears again.   
He had carried this around with him for too long.

Richard mustered his face with a worried, distressed expression. This wasn’t easy for him either. He didn’t want to see Vincent suffer, but he also didn’t know what to do. He had thought supporting Vincent and being there for him would be enough. Of course Richard still had felt uncomfortable, and of course he still hadn’t been happy about Vincent’s behavior, but he had accepted it. What Vincent needed though wasn’t just a partner that endured everything for him with gritted teeth. Vincent needed someone who believed him. 

Richard wanted to believe him, he really did, but circumstances painted a less than favorable picture of Vincent. The lies, Samuel, how hard Vincent tried to keep a huge part of his life a secret towards Richard. He claimed he did it to protect Richard, but Richard didn’t even know what from. There were so many things Richard didn’t know, and what little he did know just looked like a lot of red flags to him. 

However, Richard did know with certainty that Vincent wasn’t the type to play pretend. He wasn’t someone who would manipulate Richard like that or fake his feelings. Vincent truly was hurting right now, and Richard could tell that he was being pulled apart at the seams.   
Vincent had tried so hard to please him while he had kept working on his case as well. He had tried his best to be a loving partner, despite his job and his investigation work. He knew that he was hurting Richard and did everything he could to make up for it.   
There were a lot of things to feel uncertain about, but Vincent’s love wasn’t one of them.

“I’m so sorry, Vincent…”, Richard now finally spoke up.   
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I have to admit it...it really isn’t easy. I had thought I could just sit it out and be there for you, but I realize now that’s not what you need.”  
He peppered Vincent’s wet face with kisses before he finally sealed Vincent’s lips with his own.

In the end Richard decided to trust Vincent and believe that he was honest with him. Maybe not about every little detail, but in the greater scheme of things.


	26. Watching the other sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent watches Richard sleep for the last night they might spend together.
> 
> This marks the end of this arc, their "post divorce arc".

3:18 AM.  
The numbers on the alarm softly glowed in the dark and with a click moved forward.   
3:19 AM.

Vincent rolled onto his back, he knew he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight.   
Tomorrow would be the day he’d confront Samuel. 

Weeks ago Vincent finally had solved his case. He still remembered the moment so clearly. Sitting in his office, looking at his scattered around notes, smoking like a chimney. What was he missing? It’s been so long, but it felt like he hadn’t gotten any closer to the truth.  
And then...it all suddenly made sense. Vincent remembered laughing for a moment about the absurdity of it. How couldn’t he have realized it sooner. 

Samuel.   
He had been in front of him the whole time. Vincent should have known something was foul about him. more foul than he had expected already. He had always known that Samuel was dangerous, but he had thought he wasn’t much more dangerous than a lot of the other sociopaths roaming the city. It was a miracle Vincent hadn’t become one of his victims himself. 

Or maybe it hadn’t been. Samuel had probably gotten a kick out of all this. Feeding Vincent information, watching him stumble through the city, waiting for him to finally succumb to one of Samuel’s victims attacking him. Vincent standing right in front of Samuel, but too blind to see what was going on. Samuel had thought he’d be safe, that Vincent would never find out the truth. Samuel loved his little games, but he was as arrogant as he was cunning. Now this would finally become his downfall. 

“So much for your stupid Vinny boy…”, Vincent had muttered to himself while sorting through his files.   
He shuddered at the idea of how close he and Samuel had been at one point. They had shared a bed at night. Vincent had been tied down and used by him numerous times. Any day could have been the day Samuel could have gotten bored of him, could have decided to abuse him for one of his little experiments. Vincent too could have been one of those unfortunate souls raging on in an abandoned warehouse. 

Once Vincent had his epiphany, he knew he had to hide it as good as possible. Samuel was smart, but Vincent hoped that if he’d just keep playing pretend, Samuel wouldn’t know what was going on. He couldn’t risk Samuel disappearing or attacking him all of a sudden.   
Because of that, Vincent had kept meeting up with him. He pretended he was stuck and desperate, and still needed support. He even had allowed Samuel to cause some tension again between him and Richard. 

While he was doing so, Vincent also worked on putting together a coherent case file. Someone else needed to be able to relay this information to the press in case of his passing. He had so much to sort through. So many notes, photos, recordings...years worth of information that had to be condensed into one single file. After several days of trudging through his mess, he finally had something in hands he hoped would be enough. He couldn’t risk all his work to be for nothing and for Samuel to get away with all he had done. 

Finding the right person for the job thankfully didn’t take long. It was Lex, his friend and old partner. He had the experience, and Vincent knew he could trust him. Probably the only cop he could trust in this wretched city. Vincent didn’t want to risk his life, but he was the only chance he had. Lex at first had been confused about Vincent’s request, but he had agreed to do it. Vincent always had been a little difficult, but Lex knew that Vincent wasn’t one to joke about this kind of thing. Once he had agreed, Vincent had given him a little key to a locker, an address where to find it and the instruction not to open it until his death. He didn’t tell Lex what he’d find there or what this was all about.   
“Let’s hope I’ll never have to find out what you’re for”, Lex had said while putting the key in a drawer at home. 

Now all that was left for Vincent, was to visit Samuel one last time.   
Even if Vincent had tried his best to not appear suspicious, he already had the feeling that Samuel probably was aware of what was going on. And even if he wasn’t, he was still an incredibly dangerous serial killer. Confronting him was risky, but Vincent had to do it himself. Even if it might be the last thing he’d do.

\-- 

Vincent knew about the risk, and he also knew about the consequences.   
Richard. He would leave Richard behind and cause him great pain. 

Vincent had spent nights lying awake, thinking about whether he should confront Samuel or not. Maybe he could just run away with Richard. Release the information from some island in the caribic. But Vincent deep down knew it wouldn’t be enough. Samuel would probably disappear himself before he’d get caught, and one day he’d catch up to him. Vincent couldn’t risk that, and he couldn’t risk Richard being harmed. He knew Richard would be next on the list as soon as Samuel had become aware that Vincent had uncovered the truth. He’d make Vincent suffer and force him to watch before he’d kill him too.

Once Vincent had made his decision, had informed Lex and had prepared everything for whatever might happen, it was time to pick a date. He couldn’t keep avoiding it. The longer he waited, the more likely it was that Samuel would find out about everything.   
No, he had to do it, and he had to do it soon.

The day before, Vincent had decided to take Richard on a date. He wanted to make him feel loved, wanted Richard to remember him for the good times they had shared. They had gone out eating together and afterwards had watched the sunset on their favorite bench in the park. They even had taken a picture together.   
“Smile for me, Big Guy!”, Vincent had cheered before tapping the button.  
He had sent the photo right away to Richard, he wanted him to have this memory to look back at.

Once they had entered the apartment again, Vincent had pulled Richard into a passionate kiss.   
He wanted to feel alive one last time. 

\--

Now Vincent was lying next to him, in what would probably be the last night they’d share together.

Vincent rolled onto his side again and looked over to the sleeping Richard. The moon was shining onto him, cold yet soft. He had aged in the last years. The gray hairs on Richard’s temples had become more prominent and slight wrinkles had started to form on his face.   
Vincent couldn’t believe how many years they had known each other now. How different life had been back then, back when they had met at the Shamrock for some simple fun. Back when Vincent had still been in the force. Unhappy, lonely and frustrated about how life had been treating him. Vincent had just wanted to forget all of that for a night, but instead he had met the love of his life. They had dated, had gotten married, divorced and then had found back to each other again. They had spent so much time together, good and bad days. Now this would all come to an end.

He couldn’t help but think about all these things they would never be able to share now. They never would get old together. Won’t marry again and live in some nice house away from the buzz of the city. They won’t travel around the world. All things Richard had dreamt of, and Vincent too had silently wished for but had been too scared to admit. He had wanted this all, but mostly he had wanted to be with Richard.

Vincent felt his throat tightening up. He didn’t want to leave Richard. He didn’t want to leave him behind and break his heart. He knew Richard wouldn’t take it well. He was a sentimental idiot, just like himself. Richard believed in things like “the one” or "soulmates". He’d be devastated about Vincent’s death and probably never date anyone else ever again.   
Richard deserved so much more than that. He didn’t deserve all this pain, and yet Vincent knew there was no other way.

He reached out to Richard and gently caressed his cheek.  
“Please forgive me…”, Vincent whispered into the dark.   
Tears started dwelling up in his eyes but he hastily blinked them away. He couldn’t break down now. He didn’t want Richard to see him like that and ask questions. He had made his decision. No matter how much this hurt, no matter how much Vincent knew he would regret this, it had to be done.

Vincent turned to the alarm.  
4 AM, Richard would wake up in an hour. Until then, Vincent would lie next to him and watch him sleep. He would remember all they had shared and all he had loved about the other man. And, deep down, he would pray for things to be alright in the end. If not for him, then at least for Richard.


	27. Remembering the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent survived his encounter with Samuel but was forced to flee the city. Now he spends his days living in a rundown motel. One night, he can't help but think about Richard again.
> 
> Vincent was forced to fake his death and hide for a couple years. This chapter is part of that, short, arc.

Several years had passed by since Vincent had his final encounter with Samuel. It had been gruesome and traumatizing, but Vincent had won in the end. The price he had paid for his victory had been great though.

Vincent still vividly remembered everything that had happened, his recurring nightmares made sure of that. Samuel chasing him around, the torture, their last fight. A fire breaking out and a building falling apart. Vincent back then had barely managed to flee, not only from Samuel but also from law enforcement. Vincent knew he wasn’t the bad guy, but he couldn’t trust his old colleagues and that they’d be willing to listen to him. Once he stumbled out of the building and heard sirens, he knew he had to run. One day, when things had calmed down and Lex had hopefully cleared his name, he’d be able to return. Until then, Vincent was a dead man.

Being forced to flee and lie low had been one of the possibilities Vincent had prepared himself for. A small bag with the bare necessities, some fake documents, cash and a bus ticket to a location far away had been waiting for him outside already. All he had to do was to leave the city and find a place to stay.

He had found this place in a rundown motel several hours away from the city and in a different state. A gas station right next to it, a small town several miles away, nothing else. It was one of those places nobody really cared about a tired stranger showing up in the middle of the night.  
“Rarely have it that someone wants to stay longer than a night”, the owner had said while giving Vincent the keys.  
He had paid for a week in advance. He knew that was risky, but he needed at least a couple days to rest from his injuries before he could move on.  
“Just having a bit of a rough patch right now...wife left me, need some time to think”, Vincent had told him with a melancholic expression and the man had only nodded.

After two weeks the motel owner had approached Vincent and had talked with him about his situation. Vincent had played his part of a divorced veteran. Unable to handle what he had seen back then he had destroyed his marriage. Wife divorced him, he got kicked out, now he was stranded here and didn’t know what to do. Cash was running low, he had no family to go to, no job, no perspective. Vincent just hoped his acting was decent enough. He was relieved once the old man nodded again. He believed Vincent.  
“Look, guess you don’t really have a place to stay right now, but I could use a helping hand around here. What d’ya think? Room’s free, and you get a bit of extra cash.”  
Vincent had been surprised about this kind offer, but in the end had decided to agree to it. At least for now it was the best option he had.

\--

Two weeks slowly had turned into a year, then two, then over three.  
Vincent had long lost track of time. Every day was the same for him. If he wasn’t working at the gas station or cleaning the motel, he would sit in his small room. What little money he had he put into cheap cigarettes, whiskey and low cost food to keep himself going. A cheap hot-dog for lunch, a cup of ramen for dinner. If he was lucky, he could take some of the expired food that couldn’t be sold anymore but was still good to eat. He had no phone or computer, all he had to entertain himself with was a small TV that often struggled to show a proper picture.  
Vincent might have survived...but he had stopped living.

What Vincent missed the most though, was human interaction. While they regularly got customers, it still was a very lonely existence. Customers would come in, maybe do some smalltalk or at least greet him, and then leave again. And while the old owner had been a kind man, the new one had been pretty cut and dry towards Vincent. He had kept him around as a cheap worker, but he lacked the same gentleness of Vincent’s old boss. He didn’t care for Vincent, as long as he did a decent job and didn’t complain.

How it felt like to be touched was something Vincent had completely forgotten by now. The sensation of a kiss, even just a hug, of someone lying next to him...it all seemed so foreign by now. Something from a lifetime ago. Something another man, a man named Vincent, had experienced. He wasn’t Vincent anymore. He was someone else now. “Vincent”, like everything else, was by now just a memory to him.

\--

The man that once had been named Vincent, was lying on his bed now. The worn down mattress and ratty blanket barely managed to provide some comfort. He couldn’t sleep, like so often, but was too tired to stand up and smoke. He didn’t want to move.  
He placed his arm on his side and slowly closed his eyes. Sometimes he would try to imagine it was someone else’s arm lying on him and embracing him from behind. Richard’s arm. Of course it wasn’t the same though. His own arm was thin and gangly by now, and his hands lacked the same warmth Richard’s always had.

Richard...he too was by now a faint memory.  
Especially during the first months of his exile, Vincent had tried his best to not think too much about Richard. He knew it would only make it harder for him to sit out the whole thing. He had to keep his head low for as long as possible. But with time, this had gotten harder and harder for him. He didn’t want to forget Richard. Vincent often wished he had taken at least something to remember him by. Just a single photo. But Vincent had been too afraid back then it could be used against him, that it could be used to find out who he truly was. He couldn’t afford being sentimental while he was on the run. So he had left, without a memory but the one he had in his head.

He groaned and turned on his other side. He didn’t want to stop dreaming yet. The back of his hand brushed past his thin, chapped lips. They too weren’t like Richard’s at all. Richard’s lips had been soft and full. Vincent pressed a kiss on his hand, a sad imitation of the real thing. Richard had always loved to kiss him. A kiss on his hair, his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. He had kissed his shoulders when they went to sleep together. When they were still married, Richard would sometimes reach for Vincent’s hand and kiss the ring on his finger. Richard had taken every chance to show Vincent how much he loved him.

Vincent missed waking up to the smell of scrambled eggs. He missed lying with Richard on the sofa and watching some of his kitschy movies with him. Going to the park together to their favorite spot. The way Richard would get excited about Christmas. Coming home and seeing him stand in the kitchen, cooking dinner for the two of them. Even the way Richard shook his head and looked at him when Vincent had made a terrible joke.  
Did Richard remember him? Sometimes think about him still? Did he too lie awake at night and think back on the life they had shared? Did Richard miss him? Or had he forgotten Vincent by now and had moved on?

Vincent pressed his eyes tightly together. He didn’t cry, he had stopped doing so long ago. He was too exhausted to cry, but the pain was still there. He felt like suffocating, like something heavy was sitting on his chest and crushing him. He opened his eyes again.

It was just him, alone in his little motel room. Nothing else there but him and his memories.


	28. Forehead Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent was finally able to return and Richard greeted him with open arms. Early on when they live together again, Vincent becomes aware of a part of Richard's morning routine he hadn't know about before.
> 
> Begin of the last arc for this compilation, Vincent and Richard getting old together.

Vincent waited.  
It was early in the morning and soon it would be time for Richard to stand up. He listened to Richard’s calm breathing, followed by the ruffling of fabric and the creaking of their bed. Careful steps that walked around the bed, and there it was: a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

\--

Months ago Vincent’s name had finally been cleared. Vincent only had found out about it by accident. He had been sitting in his motel room, watching some TV, when his face and name were suddenly shown during the news. Vincent remembered staring at the screen in disbelief. That was him. It was hard to believe that the man shown was him once, but it was him. He cried when he realized that Lex had been successful and he could finally return.

Of course it wasn’t that easy though. Vincent had lived in isolation for years. He might be able to scratch together some money for a bus ticket, but what then? The world thought he was dead. Lex, Richard, everyone he ever knew believed he had died nearly four years ago. How would Richard even react if Vincent suddenly showed up? Be angry with Vincent for all the pain he had forced him to endure? Be relieved and happy Vincent was alive after all? Would he take him back or send him away?

For weeks Vincent had kept thinking about all these questions.  
In the end he realized though that no matter how Richard would react, Vincent wanted to see him at least one last time. Wanted to thank him, let him know that he wasn’t dead. Richard deserved the truth. So Vincent swallowed down his fear and hit up the old library in the nearby town. It was painful to search for his name and read up on what had happened in the last few years. Lex, and Richard, had both worked hard on clearing his name. Richard especially had received a lot of backlash for it in the end. Vincent flinched the first time a page loaded and he saw Richard’s face in the article. It was so hard to see him, but it helped Vincent to go through with his plan. He had to return. 

\--

A very tearful reunion later and the two were back together. 

Since Vincent had no personal belongings, no money or own apartment, Richard had immediately taken him in.  
“Not letting you leave again”, Richard had said after their first night.  
Vincent had mentioned he’d try his best to get back up on his feet immediately, but he was relieved when Richard so clearly showed that he wanted him to be there. Vincent didn’t even know how to start over. A once dead man was difficult to rehabilitate. 

Even though they both had changed, some things were still the same even after all that time. One of those things was Richard’s morning routine. He still woke up first, he still made breakfast for them while Vincent was asleep...at least, that’s what Richard thought. In reality Vincent woke up long before him. The isolation, trauma and nightmares still made it difficult for him to sleep. It was easier with Richard by his side, but in the end Vincent was just glad when he didn’t wake up screaming for once. 

In the beginning Vincent had roamed the apartment aimlessly as soon as he had woken up. While Richard had called it “their” apartment, it still had felt very foreign to Vincent to walk around in it. He felt like a guest in a strange world. Something he always had felt when visiting Richard, but now the feeling was even stronger than before. Vincent had a hard time adjusting himself to something that wasn’t a dingy motel room far away from real civilization. Once he had felt weird about Richard being so incredibly wealthy, now Vincent just couldn’t handle a modern life anymore with all its amenities. Everything was loud, flashy, in his face. All choices presented were too numerous and overwhelming. 

Since Vincent needed something to keep himself busy during those mornings, he had started to cook breakfast for Richard. He was awake before him anyway, and Richard had done this for him long enough. Richard had been surprised the first time he had woken up to the smell of pancakes. Unlike the years before, Vincent wasn’t causing a mess for once either. Sure, he still had flour on his face and clothes, but aside from that he was very quiet and focused. The pancakes had been good, and Richard had been relieved that Vincent had found a way to make the best out of his sleepless mornings. 

After some time though, Vincent had started to stay in bed again. He didn’t want to leave Richard’s side, but he mostly wanted Richard to believe he was fine. So he kept lying there, listening to Richard’s calm breathing and enjoying the warmth of his nearby body. Whenever Richard would wake up, Vincent would pretend to be asleep. 

Something Vincent realized during that time, was that the first thing Richard did in the morning was to kiss his forehead. Every morning, without fail, Richard would walk around the bed or turn around to give him a kiss. It felt so familiar, not the sensation but the whole gesture itself, and it took a bit for Vincent to understand why. Richard had always done that. Even years ago Richard had already started his mornings like that. Vincent remembered grumbling and turning around back then, asking himself later if he had only dreamt Richard approaching him. Now he realized that Richard had always kissed him. Neither a divorce nor Vincent’s “death” had been able to change something about this.

Once Vincent had become aware of Richard’s ritual, he had stopped standing up before him. He looked forward to it as soon as he woke up from another restless night of sleep. He looked forward to Richard’s soft lips and how they would curl up into a gentle smile when kissing him. He loved how Richard sometimes caressed his cheek or ran a hand through his hair. Sometimes he’d even whisper how much he loved Vincent and how thankful he was for him to be alive. 

“Who am I to take that away from him…”, Vincent thought to himself one morning while Richard kissed his forehead again.


	29. Complimenting the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard struggles with his confidence, and Vincent tries his best to lift him up.

Getting old really had its perks, especially when it meant getting old with a man like Richard. They lived in a cozy house in a small town, far away from the old city and its buzz. Vincent had a newfound love for gardening and spent most of his time outside. Richard meanwhile still supported his old colleagues with his medical expertise, if he wasn’t busy reading his huge library of books. They travelled around the world and just enjoyed themselves. For someone like Vincent, it was a dream come true.

Cooking had become a favorite pastime for the both of them as well. While Richard had always enjoyed it, Vincent too now could appreciate the craft. He now had the time and, well, patience for it. He loved using ingredients he had grown in his own garden. Taking care of a plant, watching it grow and then turn into a delicious dish had to be the most satisfying feeling in the world. Unlike Richard, who only liked to cook, Vincent also really liked to bake. His first tries Richard still had eaten with a forced smile, but now Vincent’s baked goods had become something he looked forward to every Sunday.

Unfortunately all their cooking and delightful eating had an unwanted consequence, at least for Richard. Richard had gained weight. While Vincent was still as lanky as he had always been, Richard was now carrying a couple extra pounds with himself. For someone like Richard that was surprisingly bothersome. The always so calm Richard was for once frustrated, and maybe even a bit distressed.

Vincent never had cared much about his own body, and his high energy and metabolism had only supported his bad habits. Richard however had always put in a great effort into his looks. Sure, a big chunk of that had been outside pressure as well, but Richard had firmly believed in doing the best he could for his body. His height alone demanded that already. A man of his size couldn’t afford putting on even more strain on his joints. So Richard had always done it right: enough sleep, drinking water regularly, doing sports and a healthy meal plan.

But now this seemed to be all over. Richard had gotten old, and with that his lifestyle a little too sedentary for his taste. He had gotten too comfortable. Tasty food, the pleasures of retirement, living a slowed down life had gotten to him. He had to move more, and somehow find a way to turn down that second piece of cake Vincent liked to offer him during their lazy Sundays.

\--

Vincent at first hadn’t realized Richard’s frustration about his own looks. For him, nothing had changed. Hell, he actually liked Richard a little more with a couple more pounds on his ribs. It suited him and he wore it well. The idea that Richard of all people could care about such a thing seemed ridiculous. But after a couple weeks Vincent couldn’t ignore anymore that he was acting a bit odd and started watching Richard more closely.

The biggest change was Richard’s mood, especially in the morning. Vincent soon realized that Richard was weighing himself daily and always did so right after standing up. Most of the time he exited the bathroom with a disappointed expression, and he would spend the rest of the morning quietly preparing their breakfast. He also started to turn his back on Vincent when buttoning his shirts or undressing himself. On top, Vincent could tell he was actively trying to change some things. His portion sizes had gotten smaller, walks got more frequent, and he tried his best to keep Vincent from stacking on another piece of cake on his plate. 

But even then, Richard wasn’t making much progress. His body was pretty comfortable at his current weight. Being only a couple pounds shy from an ideal weight also made it harder. He had to put in a serious effort now if he wanted to get rid of those few pounds, something a man his age had a hard time doing. He hadn’t gained weight for no reason after all, he had done so by living a comfortable life and doing the things he loved. 

Vincent could tell that this affected Richard a lot. While he couldn’t understand why it bothered him so much though, he still wanted to help Richard. One morning he watched how Richard slowly walked into the bathroom, a gloomy expression already on his face. Weighing himself had become an ordeal by now for Richard. Vincent followed him and waited at the door for the familiar sound. The sound of Richard stepping onto the scale, and a low sigh followed by a thoughtful hum. Vincent peaked into the bathroom and saw Richard standing on the scale. He was just wearing his underwear, a sight that Vincent hadn’t been allowed to see for weeks now. 

While Richard was still looking down at the loathed number, Vincent approached him from behind. Richard flinched a bit once Vincent wrapped his arms around his waist.   
“Hey Old Man...you alright?”, Vincent muttered while kissing Richard’s shoulder.  
He could tell Richard wasn’t exactly thrilled that Vincent had seen him like that. He tensed up underneath Vincent’s touch and avoided looking back at him.   
“Hmm, just...a little unhappy with my current weight. Remember how I told you back then I’d be the one between us who gets old and fat?”  
“Christ, how long ago was that?”  
Vincent chuckled and leaned his cheek against Richard’s back.  
“Could tell already something was wrong, but I didn’t think this was bothering you so much. You’re not fat. Besides, you’re still perfect to me.”  
Richard slowly stepped down from the scale and pressed a kiss on Vincent’s cheek. Vincent could tell he hadn’t reached Richard yet, but it was a start. 

Later that day Vincent found Richard sleeping on their sofa. After dinner he had allowed himself a short nap in front of the fireplace. Usually Richard would have made an effort to go out for a walk, but it was raining outside and Vincent knew how badly Richard handled cold weather nowadays. Autumn and winter were always awful on his bones. Now he was lying there, cuddled up underneath a blanket. Vincent sat aside the tea and cookies he had brought along before he decided to join Richard.

As soon as Vincent touched the sofa, Richard attempted to get up and make space for him to sit.   
“Stay…”, Vincent softly said while pushing Richard back down. “Don’t want you to stand up.”  
Vincent slipped underneath the blanket and laid down next to Richard. Richard muttered something, still a bit sleepy, but Vincent just wrapped an arm around his waist. He rested his head on Richard’s chest and let out a pleased sigh.   
“How late is it?”, Richard now repeated a little more audible.  
“Still early, don’t worry.”

After some time Vincent let his hand slip underneath Richard’s sweater. It was an old habit of his, he had already done that back when they had still just dated. He felt how Richard flinched and tensed up again, but he kept going. His hand trailed upwards, following the curve of Richard’s stomach to his waist. Vincent couldn’t help but smile a bit when his fingers brushed past Richard’s small love handles.   
“You know, Old Man…” Vincent muttered while caressing Richard’s bare skin, “...know it doesn’t help much to make you feel better about yourself, but I still love you.”  
Richard at first didn’t react, and Vincent already thought he wouldn’t anymore when Richard finally let out a low sigh.  
“That’s very kind of you, Vincent. You’re right, I still don’t like looking that way but...it helps knowing you don’t dislike me even though I’m so out of shape.”   
“It’s just a couple pounds, Richard, not the end of the world.”

Vincent now looked up to Richard and shuffled closer for a kiss.  
“Gotta admit I actually like you more this way”, he whispered against Richard’s lips. “I think it looks really good on you. Suits you and your body type. Besides, more of you that’s there to love.”  
Richard looked surprised but then started to chuckle. He returned the kiss with a smile and pulled Vincent into a tight hug. It felt good to hear that Vincent still loved and desired him, especially after those last weeks of battling with his confidence.  
“I see...hope you didn’t learn how to bake just for that.”  
“No, but you better finally eat the cookies on the table, or else I lose my mind watching you stare at them any longer.”


	30. Kiss on the Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent's life is slowly coming to an end, and Richard spends another night in the hospital with him.

It all happened so suddenly.   
A persistent cough that didn’t want to leave, exhaustion, back pain and trouble breathing. Then the diagnosis: lung cancer. Stage 4. Already spreading. 

They had fought about it. Vincent, who wanted to try everything to prolong his life, not for his sake but Richard’s. And Richard, who was against Vincent forcing himself through something that wouldn’t make a difference in the end anyway. Richard knew what life was like for people at that stage. He knew how that treatment left them. And what for? Maybe half a year or a year more, spent in agony? It had been the first and only time Vincent had seen Richard slap his hand on the table in anger. They both had been desperate. 

The whole time, Vincent couldn’t help but worry about Richard. Sure, Vincent would die, but that wasn’t the worst thing. It was knowing he’d leave Richard behind, again. Richard had already grieved for him once, he knew how it was like to lose Vincent. He had endured four years of that. But back then, Richard always had some hope left that Vincent maybe would return someday. They had never found his corpse after all, just his left pinky, right? There had been a chance, even if it had been a small one. This time though they both knew there was no hope left, no miracle awaiting them. This time the casket wouldn’t be empty.

Vincent didn’t want this for Richard. He had hurt him so much already, how could he do this to him again? Besides, he doubted that Richard would bounce back from this. Richard had just celebrated his 80th birthday. He had aged well, was still so full of life...but Vincent also knew that Richard was a sentimental idiot. He’d probably just stop eating and start withering away once Vincent had died, like those animals who miss their partner. Richard wouldn’t be able to handle another heartbreak.

Vincent tried his best to hide his thoughts, and his sickness. He hated it when Richard was there during one of his coughing fits. He didn’t want Richard to see him like that.  
“Don’t look at me!”, Vincent would wheeze between two coughs, his knuckles white while holding onto the kitchen table.  
Richard however never left his side. He’d be there to support him, to rub his back or just give him something to lean onto. Vincent hated feeling so weak, hated making Richard worry about him, but he was also grateful he was there. In the end it was pretty terrifying to die. 

\--

Vincent during that time had his ups and downs. Some days, he was feeling mostly normal aside from a heavy feeling in his chest or some mild coughing. He was able to work in his garden, albeit a little slower than usually, and to go on walks with Richard. They would dance together through their living room and enjoy themselves as much as possible. Other days, Vincent was barely able to leave the bed. He was weak and the pain at times unbearable. What little treatment he got to help with the symptoms didn’t always work, and sometimes all that was left for him was a trip to the hospital. There had been a few times they both had expected it to be his last one.

This had been another one of them.   
It had started with Vincent struggling to fall asleep and with time had culminated into a full-blown attack. In the end Richard had called an ambulance, and now Vincent was lying in a hospital bed, finally sleeping. Once again Richard was by his side and unwilling to leave. He watched Vincent’s chest slowly move up and down, listened to the rattling breathing and wheezing accompanying every breath. Neither the soft humming of the machinery nor the familiar hospital noise in the background was able to drown that out. In a way it was comforting. As long as Vincent was still breathing, he was still alive.

Richard was holding onto Vincent’s hand the whole time. Once in a while Richard would lift it up and press a kiss on it. He’d feel the ridges of Vincent’s wedding ring, his smooth skin and the warmth of his body against his lips. Richard wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as he still could. He was hurting, even if he put on a brave face in front of Vincent. He didn’t want to lose him again. No matter how much time they had spent together, it had never felt enough. This was all coming too soon. 

Richard was afraid of being alone, was afraid of the day he’d enter the house and Vincent wouldn’t be there anymore. Sitting around in silence. Eating at a table with just one plate on it. Sleeping in an empty bed, knowing that if he’d reach out to the other side there would be nothing there for him to touch. Forced to watch Vincent’s garden slowly die, just like Vincent himself. Richard wasn’t ready for this, and he knew he’d never be. 

He lifted up Vincent’s hand again and gave it another kiss. He slowly closed his eyes, and while leaning his forehead against Vincent’s hand he prayed that whoever might listen, would grant them a little more time.


	31. Last Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard looks back at all the last kisses they had shared.

The house was silent, and its only inhabitant on his way outside. It was a warm day, and Richard wanted to soak up some sun before the temperatures would drop again. 

Vincent's funeral had been a couple weeks ago. In the end Vincent had made his last breath at home, embraced by Richard in their shared bed. Richard knew the moment he kissed him and wished him a good night, that it would be their last kiss. 

It hadn't been their first last kiss.   
Richard remembered them having at least three of those, and he was grateful for each and one of them. In the end fate had been on their side, and twice they had found back to each other despite dire circumstances.

\--

Their first “last kiss” had been during the night of their big fight. The night Vincent suddenly blurted out to finally end it all, to break up and get a divorce. They had talked a lot that night, but had said very little in the end. Maybe if they both would have been honest about their feelings, things would have turned out differently. Both didn't want a divorce, they loved each other more than anything, but in the end both believed they did the right thing by leaving the other. The other deserved better, was better off without a partner that held them back.   
At one point they had been sitting there in silence for some time. Shocked, hurting, unable to process what had just happened. After some time hands carefully inched towards each other and Vincent leaned against his shoulder. They had shared a kiss, and Richard had known it would be the last time he'd kiss his husband. 

Years later they had met again. A second chance for two men who had never gotten over their divorce. It had been a rough start, but in the end love had won. They couldn't deny each other any longer what they both wanted so much. But all that started to fall apart again sooner than expected.   
Their second “last kiss” Richard hadn't seen coming. It had been a normal day for him, for them he had thought. In the morning Richard had said goodbye to Vincent at the door. He still remembered Vincent lingering on for longer than usually. Vincent caressing his cheek before he said "Don't miss me too much, Big Guy", like he always did when they parted. But then he had followed it up with a soft "And hey…know I love you very much, alright?". Vincent rarely said it out loud, but Richard hadn't thought much of it. They had kissed, and after some hesitation Vincent had left. Richard had watched how Vincent walked out of the apartment...and unbeknownst to him, Richard’s life.  
Richard afterwards often wished he had known it would be the last time he'd kiss Vincent. Maybe he could have stopped him then.  
The next day he received a letter from Vincent with his old wedding ring. A love letter, and an apology. Shortly afterwards Richard sat in a police station and was informed that Vincent was dead. 

Of course, that wasn't the end of their story. After four years a miracle happened and Vincent returned. A little beaten up, malnourished and traumatized, but it was still him. He was alive. They got yet another chance, and this time they wouldn’t waste it again. They grew old together, and whatever had happened before didn’t matter.  
What mattered was that they were together.

Richard of course had known that one day even fate wouldn’t be on their side anymore. The moment Vincent had gotten his diagnosis, Richard had known that soon their shared journey would come to an end. He had been grateful for every small third, fourth, fifth chance they had gotten throughout those months. Whenever Vincent miraculously returned from what they had thought to be his final trip to the hospital. How often Richard had prayed that it wouldn’t be over yet. That he once more could take Vincent home, for maybe another week or month. He hated seeing him suffer, but Richard didn’t want to lose him. Not yet.

One night they had been lying together in bed. Vincent had been very weak the whole day already, and Richard had been forced to accept that their time had come.   
He still remembered Vincent’s last wish.  
“Promise me you will keep living life to the fullest.”  
Richard had promised it, Richard had lied.  
But it had given Vincent the peace of mind he needed in order to finally let go.  
Their lips met for a last time and Richard watched how Vincent took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was tired and wanted to sleep. 

The next morning, Vincent was dead. 

\--

Richard looked over the garden laid out in front of him.   
It was in full bloom and as beautiful as ever. The sunset painted everything in a soft golden hue, flowers were swaying in the wind and petals whirled around between his feet. Vincent had tried his best to take care of it up until the very end. Richard knew that the garden too would soon take its last breath and follow its owner. Nothing was forever. 

Richard slowly closed his eyes and reached for the chair next to him. There was nobody sitting there, no hand to hold, but Richard allowed his hand to trail along the warm armrest for a moment. A soft breeze was caressing his face and Richard liked to imagine it was Vincent's spirit looking down at him. 

"Goodbye, Vincent…"


End file.
